Blip

Please don't give up when it's easy
Don't you know that me and Jesus will cheer you on?
He's the only one that will be constantly everything you need

Will you come back?
It's all she wants to know
She knows she's part of the problem too
Could she let it go?
It'd take a miracle
So that's what I'm praying for
Yeah

-- Mae, Tisbury Lane

I don't know what the song is about, but it's a fun song and these lyrics in particular made me think of a friend. It made me think of me too.

It's Christmas Eve, I got to see two best friends last night that I haven't seen since I got married, and one of them lives in a completely different state. It was really nice and I wish I could see them more often. They were both commenting about how weird it is that I have a husband and I'm married, and it is kind of funny to think about. I've been married for just about 7 months. Awesome. Coming with being married for 7 months is probably that the last 3 months have been one of the hardest I've had in a long time, and all of it has nothing to do with being married. News from a friend broke my heart, yet through it God managed to dig stuff out of me that I didn't even know was there. He used one issue to point at a deeper issue. And now it's been a process of working through it, and I am so grateful for Scott's presence because I think a lot of this would be more difficult without him.

It's appropriate that I think about all of this during Christmas and the Advent season. Advent is all about celebrating the anticipation of Christ's birth. God coming to Earth, Immanuel, is all wrapped up into Jesus... and with that comes healing, restoration, redemption, humility, beauty, freedom. And right now I'm working on looking it all right in the face. This is why Jesus came, this is why He died.

It's a beautiful thing.

And now I get to spend my first Christmas apart from family. Yikes. I'm excited though since I will be spending it with my new part of the family, my in-laws. A lot of people complain about in-laws, and I can see why, but I've had so many second and third sets of parents through friends that it doesn't feel that much different. It'll be good. Here goes!

Thanksgiving has come and gone

So it's almost Christmas.
I'm still alive and God's doing a lot of work in me -- but it's about 12:30AM so I probably shouldn't write up a long blog entry.

Two of my very good friends are getting married tomorrow and I'm very excited about it. WOOHOO!

News Article: Kin outraged, distraught over teen's cyber suicide

http://www.news.com.au/technology/story/0,25642,24684860-5014239,00.html

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gtO167ywBhMURgOmp4ScpR7rBdvgD94JV9P80

... there are several other articles about the sad news, if you follow links provided on the websites.


To summarize, a college student in Miami, FL, took it upon himself to overdose on bi-polar drugs over live web-feed on a bodybuilder's website a few days ago. There's no telling how many watched -- the website it was aired on hasn't said the number -- but it's pretty evident from the article that not only people watched, some encouraged and others thought it was fake.

Through my teen years of internet socialization (and probably internet addiction), there were a number of times in which online friends had mentioned that they were thinking of suicide and I would do what I could to talk them through it or out of it. What I don't understand is how so many teens are jaded enough to not take it seriously and regard another person's life as not worth their time -- through webspace or in real life. While there are those who threaten suicide to get the attention they feel so deprived of, I don't believe it is worth the risk to think they're faking it. Even if an individually is just looking for attention, there is still the issue that that person does not already feel loved enough that they don't have to look for attention. What else is going on psychologically and emotionally? Don't we all want to feel and know the comfort of being loved? Don't we all act out -- in large or very small, internal and external ways -- when we do NOT feel loved?

The message that comes across when we write it off as just an act is, "I do not care about you. Your life is worthless to me."

A college student, probably a freshman or maybe sophomore, killed himself "publicly" and people watched. Granted I think that if he took a gun to his head like the fellow in another Florida location, someone may have acted sooner. Really though, why would that change anything - as if gun suicide is more serious than pill suicide?

Or for those who thought he was joking and it was done to get some laughs... Why would anyone joke about overdosing on a pill?

Why is death funny?

Also, I wanted to highlight a quote from the Associated Press article:

Montana Miller, an assistant professor of popular culture at Bowling Green State University in Ohio, said Biggs' very public suicide was not shocking, given the way teenagers chronicle every facet of their lives on sites like Facebook and MySpace.

"If it's not recorded or documented then it doesn't even seem worthwhile," she said. "For today's generation it might seem, "What's the point of doing it if everyone isn't going to see it?"

Ms. Miller brings out a good point that teenagers publicize every facet of their lives via the internet. Having more or less one of those teenagers, only using the 'archaic' LiveJournal, I totally relate to her statement. But I'd like to push it further than simply saying that if something isn't documented it doesn't matter. There is a ring of truth in that... I'd dare say that every detail is given also because it creates this sense of intimacy with other people. Especially with journaling and blogging. "This is my journal, and you are reading it. This is the kind of stuff I share with my friends... sometimes my closest friends. Because you know this about me, you must be one of my friends and care deeply about me. If I know you in real life and you read this, then I don't have to talk about it with you because you know it already." At the very least this is how I reflect on my journaling habits during my teen years. I would write about guys I liked, thoughts on sexuality, thoughts on religion (why I hated it and later on my process of becoming Christian) when I felt very sad or hurt or pissed off, and so on. In many ways my teen angst is spelled out loud and clear for the world to see for however long LiveJournal exists. These are the kinds of things that used to be recorded in private journals that any teenager back in the hayday would be agast if anyone actually read it.

But I didn't actually know most of the people who would read that journal. I never met them face to face, although few I did talk with on the phone and others I wanted to actually meet. But it created a world of comfort and secruity for me, that there were people knew me and understood me. Some of them I believe did care for me but it created a sense of longing that would likely never be fulfilled -- which easily lead to hours upon hours of late night online sessions, and becoming angry/depressed when the internet was taken away (in place of getting grounded as a penalty).

Not that the internet is bad or having friends who live in Indonesia or Australia, or just on the other side of the U.S., is bad. That isn't what I'm getting at and to think so is to seriously miss the point. The point is that it calls to question our own securities, I think... and calls out that we are afraid to know people and look them in the face, knowing they know us too. Why can't we just talk to the person next to us, get together with the friend who -- if you're in college -- lives right down the hall?

Why are we so afraid of what we crave the most?

I think it's worth discussing, that's for sure.

In the meantime...

I'm starting to put art-books on my wish-list and getting that fire in my gut for making art.

Especially after finding (thanks Barbara!) this little jewel of a blog:
http://mariehelenesirois.blogspot.com/

All of my little artsy cells want to devour all the recent and past posts up. Drool juxtaposed with jealous admiration. Yum.

We all want something beautiful..

That song by the Counting Crows, Mr. Jones, has a lyric that goes "We all want something beautiful / I wish I was beautiful..." Ever since I heard that song for the first time, I've carried that line with me. In its simplicity, it's a line that I find profoundly true of me and I would think it'd be true of most people. We want something beautiful, we want to be beautiful. I know I want to keep focused on the things that are beautiful, as in the good and true and lovely.

What's with all the drama in my blog, then? Doom and gloom and tough roads ahead... For someone who is supposed to appreciate beauty I probably sound like a brooding miss who is trying to figure out up from down. To some degree, that's true... encountering sin in all it's ugliness has knocked me to the ground. Not only has the rebellion in a friend's life been a painful experience, it's also brought out something unexpected: I've been challanged in my own faith quite a bit and I've had old wounds opened that I never fully dealt with, acting like it didn't bother me over the years. But these things are good despite how painful it is and will be until it's resolved. I won't wax on about specifics because it hasn't been dealt with yet -- I'm not ready for that kind of public exposure until God repairs some deep seated brokenness in my life. I will say, however, that I'm broken and the whole process has been a humbling revelation that I don't have it all together as much as I'd like to believe. It's pretty easy to put on a tough exterior, to a certain point... these recent events that have been bothering me finally broke the surface.

Thankfully, I have a supportive husband who I can collapse into... and a community that is loving too. I think without these people the road to healing would probably be all the more difficult. The road ahead is going to get bumpy and I'm nervous, but as another band I favor would say, "there is beauty in the breakdown." I want the beauty found in major healing and forgiveness and freedom.

What's the beauty you want to see in your life?


"the pain it won't even cross my mind.
there is wonder in everything.
the rope gets loose, and the chains unbind.
and i can do anything." - Mae

(man, three song references in one post?! I'm usually not this referential...)

Surely We Can Change

And the problem is this
We were bought with a kiss
But the cheek still turned
Even when it wasn’t hit

And I don’t know
What to do with a love like that
And I don’t know
How to be a love like that

When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do

Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something

And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love who came
To repair everything

Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Oh surely we can change
Something

Oh, the world’s about to change
The whole world’s about to change

-- David Crowder

Breathe... 1, 2, 3. The road towards healing is about to get very bumpy. It's like that horrible hesitation feeling you get when you're about to jump from a very high place, except combine that with being punched in the stomach first.

History in the making

Here it is, November 5th (V for Vendetta, anyone?), 2008. Last night history was made as it was revealed that Barak Obama has been elected to be the next president -- our first black president. Someone I know made a point in saying that Obama, because of his interracial parents, represents American better than any other president has before in the sense of America being such a mixing pot of peoples.

While I didn't vote for Obama because there are policies he holds that I disagree with, I am not particularly bummed either. What is exciting about this is that I'm living in the middle of a history-making-moment; although some of those policies he has I think will make history in a more negative way than a positive way. Time can only tell what will happen, some good and some bad as it is with all presidents. My prayer for the new president, though, is that God will protect him. As much as I don't want to admit it, there is a great danger for Obama in this position -- a lot of racism still runs deep in pocket-areas of America and threats have already been made. It's sad and I think if anything were to happen, it would literally tear the country apart. But if all goes well, maybe some healing on both sides can be encouraged. His speech last night was particularly good but he better stick to his word in wanting to work together and listen to those who disagree with him.

On the flip side of things, though, if McCain became president history still would have been made with Palin as the first woman VP. While Palin pisses off a lot of women in America, a big reason I would be concerned is mainly her lack of experience: I don't think she would have been ready if McCain had died (because let's face it, the man is old).

Obama is all about change and change will come. It will take time, just as he said. Some of that change I like, a lot of it I'm not so sure about, some I don't like. I will say that this election has made me more interested in following what's going on in Washington more than anything else so this will probably help me keep an eye out when things go bogus and when they go well.

(one thing I do wish people would stop doing is giving Obama a messianic label)
(what was up with Michelle Obama's dress last night?)
(also, watching CNN and I'm fascinated by their giant touch screen tech... and what was that whole hologram thing about?)

Vent

Here are some things I've been experiencing as of late, along with tidbits here and there. The upside is that it's put a lot of fuel for some art. Hopefully I can get into the studio and pour out all these thoughts in drawings...

grief, sadness, anger and guilt
the joy of redemption, mercy, grace

"We all want something beautiful."

"How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know him who said, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," and again, "The Lord will judge his people."

"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."

"Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything."

"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."

"Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?"

The downside is that I'm still wrestling, and trying to figure out how to be happy for someone else's happiness, when their happiness means spitting in the face of the One they used to live for.

"Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Nebuchadnezzar brought to being less than human by his pride, Daniel 4:28 to the end.

"...how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing!"

"Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."

"But even such nearly instantaneous events are not as instantaneous as they seem. The are like earthquakes, which seem to happen suddenly, without warning. But we know that earthquakes are only the climatic events of process that has taken years, sometimes decades, centuries or millennia, of accumulated stresses deep under the earth."

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast."

"Cause everything inside me looks like everything I hate; You are the hope I have for change; You are the only chance I'll take."

There is much to say, much to vent, much to pour out with tears and frustration. But I fear those words will hurt you.

Sigh.

God give me the grace to handle the things I don't understand.

I realize I keep saying this...

But there is much to say, much that has been exhausting my energies in all kinds of ways. In the meantime, snapshots of recent artings. Pardon the crummy editing work, I used my cell phone. I need to find someone who can take more professional photos for me.. Hmmm..

The first is completed, the second is just in the very beginning stages. A nod to Rubens for some of the visual inspiration.

Chasing Cars

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

-- Snow Patrol

There's a lot that I can say right now, about life and observations and self-reflections, but now is not the time. I have to brave the brisk chilly air and take care of business (and pray it doesn't encourage a cold!).

Same-sex weddings and first graders

First Graders Taken to San Francisco City Hall For Gay Wedding

Contact: Chip White, 916-215-4392, 916-446-2587; Sonja Eddings Brown, 818-993-4508; both with Protect Marriage

SAN FRANCISCO, October 11 /Christian Newswire/ -- In the same week that the No on 8 campaign launched an ad that labeled as "lies" claims that same-sex marriage would be taught in schools to young children, a first grade class took a school-sponsored trip to a gay wedding. Eighteen first graders traveled to San Francisco City Hall Friday for the wedding of their teacher and her lesbian partner, The San Francisco Chronicle reported. The school sponsored the trip for the students, ages 5 and 6, taking them away from their studies for the same-sex wedding. According to the Yes on 8 campaign, the public school field trip demonstrates that the California Supreme Court's decision to legal same-sex marriage has real consequences.

"Taking children out of school for a same-sex wedding is not customary education. This is promoting same-sex marriage and indoctrinating young kids," said Yes on 8—ProtectMarriage.com Campaign Co-Manager Frank Schubert. "I doubt the school has ever taken kids on a field trip to a traditional wedding," Schubert said.

When asked by the Yes on 8 campaign, The San Francisco Chronicle reporter said she did not know if the school had ever sponsored a field trip for students to a traditional wedding. Telling the Chronicle that the field trip was "a teachable moment," the school's principal believes it is perfectly appropriate for first graders to attend a same-sex wedding. Officials in other school districts disagree.

"Prop. 8 protects our children from being taught in public schools that 'same-sex marriage' is the same as traditional marriage," said Santa Ana Unified School District board member Rosemarie "Rosie" Avila. "We should not accept a court decision that results in public schools teaching our kids that gay marriage is okay. That is an issue for parents to discuss with their children according to their own values and beliefs. It shouldn't be forced on us against our will," Avila added.

-- What's ironic about this statement is that it exposes a duplicity in our society. We leave lifestyle choices of religion left to be discussed at home according to our own values and beliefs, but some schools are choosing to teach this lifestyle choice that otherwise should be discussed at home? Whether you're for or against it doesn't matter. Why are first graders being taught about marriage (same-sex or not) in school in the first place? I don't recall ever learning anything about marriage in school at all. -- Yvonne

The lesbian teacher's wedding was officiated by San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom. Newsom is featured in a Yes on 8 television ad, released last week, in which he arrogantly declares of same-sex marriage: "The door's wide open now. It's gonna happen, whether you like it or not."

The Yes on 8 campaign's ads explain that if the voters do not overturn the California Supreme Court's same-sex marriage ruling, teachers will be required to teach young children that there is no difference between gay marriage and traditional marriage.

"It's totally unreasonable that a first grade field trip would be to a same-sex wedding," said Chip White, Press Secretary for Yes on 8. "This is overt indoctrination of children who are too young to understand it."

The trip underscores the Yes on 8 campaign's message that unless Prop. 8 passes, children will be taught about same-sex marriage in public schools. "Not only can it happen, it has already happened," White said.

One more thing, unrelated

So the election is coming up and as a undecided/non-aligned voter, it's a tough call for me. There are things I like about both candidates and there are things I don't like about both candidates. As I was discussing with a friend the other day, it's like picking the lesser of the two evils (which is not to say that there is evil involved on either side, but you know what I mean).

What really turns me off is when my fellow yet D or R aligned voters get hostile about their candidates. It's one thing to be passionate about supporting your side, it's an entirely other thing to mudsling and verbally abuse. This is what I hate about governmental politics and up to this point has turned me off to being interested at all. This is also one reason why I choose to register under neither side. Whoever would be president, God only knows -- but somebody is always going to be unhappy about the final outcome. But this election is the first time I've bothered to watch the debates and try to follow the election, since I'm tired of the vomit that comes out of people about McCain or Obama... and with the potential of maybe having a kid towards the end of the next president's term I'd like to have a little insight and more informed choice about what we'd have to face.

But anyway. I'm done and still trying to figure it out.

To the Weary, From the Wearied

Lately, I've been tired.

The tiredness is not just in the sleeping sense, although I have noticed my sleep hasn't been as restful as it could be because I've had some pretty bizarre dreams. Such as: a middle aged man trying to kill me; a plot in which my best-friend and I and others would be kidnapped and used as guinea pigs (although we were saved by my hubby); aliens that hunt women; and others. Aside from those dreams I've slept OK, just not enough.

I'm tired mentally since I've probably been a lot more stressed than I really even realize. Actually, it's only been since the other day that I was at all willing to admit that I'm stressed out at all. But when I started getting morose in my times alone I realized, "Hey, wait a second. This isn't normal." My legs hurt, my eyes and throat hurts, my whole body sometimes feels like it's stretched out like a piece of bubble-gum. Yet for everything that is stressing me out, I know in my head that God has a counter balance to it.

Finances are tight. God is providing for us every day.
I just started a part-time job in addition to my current job. This can connect me to my community and neighborhood.
Scott and my schedules are out of whack. It'll be okay and it can get worked out.
I miss my friends from 'back home.' God has provided new, wonderful people in my life to connect with.
I feel like I'm pouring out my energy and not being poured into. God can restore me regardless.

I guess you could say that all these things require patience and trust. It just feels like a lot of things in my life are in upheaval right now and any time that happens I'm just never really sure what to do. I know what I ought to do: seek peace and joy in the Lord. But I've noticed that this is horribly difficult for me to put into practice. I can read all I want about Sabbath, and know as much as I can about Sabbath, but does any of it mean anything at all if I don't actually DO it...?

One thing I can trust, though, is that I know instinctively that everything is going to be alright. I continually remind myself of this, even when it's painful to do so and I feel like throwing my hands up and defiantly say, "I QUIT." And it's never about anything specific.

The other day Scott was praying for us and said something about asking God for strength. As if a light bulb went on when he prayed that, I realized that I needed to be asking for strength every day - how simple! When Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest," I could imagine that would also mean stop using all my own energies to do things and accept His energy and strength to do things. If I really sit and think about it, though, a lot of my energy is used up in worrying. No wonder I'm so exhausted; worry is a beast that is never satiated. It's more like an animal with a black hole for a mouth, sucking in every life circumstance it can. To combat that I need the kind of strength that is beyond any human comprehension. I'm not Xena Warrior Princess (although that would be pretty sweet).

I've lost my train of thought... but what I suppose my point is, is that I need some time to just sit and breathe and not worry. I hope I can take a trip out of the city for at least a few hours and take a time-out in nature.

Matthew 11:28,29

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." - Jesus


Come all you weary with your heavy loads
Lay down your burdens find rest for your souls
Cause my yoke is easy and my burden is kind
I’ll take yours upon me and you can take mine

Come all you weary, move through the earth,
You've been spurned at fine restaurants and kicked out of church;
I’ve got a couple of loaves, so sit down at my feet,
lend me your ears and we'll break bread and eat

Come all you weary
Come gather round near me
Find rest for your souls

Come all you weary, crippled you lay
I’ll help you along you can lay down your canes
We’ve got a long way to go but we’ll travel as friends
The lights growing bright further up, further in

Come all you weary
Come gather round near me
Find rest for your souls

Rest for your souls

Come all you weary
Come gather round near me
Come all you weary
Come gather round near me
Find rest for your souls
Rest for your souls
Rest for your souls

- Thrice - Come all you weary


... More to come later.

Trends

Thanks to Ivy Jungle:

Facebook Admissions: 10% of admissions counselors at competitive colleges say they have looked at Facebook and other social networking sites to evaluate applicants. The survey, reported in the Wall Street Journal, indicated that most of the time reviews of student profiles "negatively affected" their application. (Inside Higher Ed September 18, 2008)

Didn't We Meet on Facebook: These days, two freshmen roommates shaking hands and introducing themselves for the first time has become a very strange site. Virtually all students arrive on campus not only having met their roommates, but perhaps dozens of other new friends thanks to Facebook. Students quickly join their "class group" and find other affinity groups from their campus. Many say it has created a different kind of awkward meeting when many have begun friendships online and meet for the first time saying, "Hi, we met on Facebook . . .". While some students have become concerned about roommates based on their profiles, even more alarming these days would be a potential roommate not on Facebook. (St. Louis Post Dispatch Online August 28, 2008)

The Facebook Effect: Researchers believe that today's teens are becoming sexually bolder because of social networking sites like Facebook, Myspace and Bebo. Information about sex and discussions about sex are much more prevalent in their virtual worlds. Many teens say that they believe the sexually active characters they see on TV accurately reflect teens today. However, they also they resent that older generations view them as promiscuous and obsessed with sex. Some experts say that the good thing is more teens are learning and asking questions about sex. However, they do fear that many lack the maturity to weigh the sources and discern what is appropriate or inappropriate behavior and levels of intimacy, especially in the semi-public environment of social networking sites. (Telegraph.co.uk August 27, 2008)

21^st Birthday Drinking: It is no surprise the many college students consume a drink or two on their 21^st birthdays. However, a recent study by the University of Texas-Austin indicates that most students drink quite heavily on that day, with men consuming an average of 12 drinks and women an average of 9. More than of students say they experienced ill effects the next day including hangovers (54%); blackouts (44%) and sex they did not remember (22%). Nearly 40% say they were unsure how they got home that night. A similar study by the University of Missouri found that just over 1/3 of men and almost of women reported consuming 21 drinks on their 21^st birthday. The UT study examined behaviors in the 2 weeks before and after the 21^st birthday, finding that quantity of drinking decreases after turning 21, but frequency increases. (USA Today August 27, 2008)

Giving in the US: According to Barna, the percentage of income Christians give to ministry work has declined for the last 35 years. Across the US, people currently give less than 3% of their income to charitable causes, a rate below that of charitable gifts during the Depression. Only 5% of Christians tithe. (Mission America Coalition Update September 2008)

Guys Trying to Figure Out How to Act: Behavioral researchers have said that many young men seem confused on what it means to become a man. A generation ago, masculinity had clearer parameters and men and women had clearer roles. However, today, many young men are unsure how to act. Labels like "mook" and "slacker" are often used to describe a generation that spends much of their time with video games and has little motivation. They seem to have a difficult time navigating adulthood and issues of sex, drinking, friendships, and the future. A number of books including Boys Adrift (Sax); Guyland (Kimmel); and Buddy System (Greif) all point to the importance of relationships with parents and male friends for guys as they move into adulthood. (USA Today August 25, 2008)

Struggling with Morality: A Barna research study shows that adults under the age of 25 struggle with morality much more than their older counterparts. The poll looked at eight behaviors including the use of profanity in public, gambling, gossiping, sexual intercourse with someone other than their spouse, viewing pornography, acts of retaliation, getting drunk and lying. In each category, younger adults were more than twice as likely to have engaged in these behaviors. The most common behavior for both groups was profanity, followed by sex, lying, and pornography (not in that order for older adults). Politically liberal people were also more likely to have engaged in these immoral behaviors than their conservative peers. Among evangelicals, profanity and pornography were the most common transgressions. Agnostics and skeptics were five times as likely to have engaged in any of the behaviors as evangelicals. Researchers believe the results show that the moral code has begun to shift considerably in areas of honesty, language and sex. (Barna Update August 25, 2008)

Graduate Student Auctions Off Virginity: In a new low for morals and capitalism, a 22 year old graduate student at Sacramento State has joined with a legal Nevada brothel to auction off her virginity. The young woman says she can verify her purity and is selling her first experience to finance her graduate education in marriage and family therapy. Holding an undergraduate degree in women's studies she believes her actions are empowering to her as a woman and that her virginity is marketable because it is a rare commodity. Several students have expressed support, especially for a cause as noble as paying for school. (CBS13.com September 11, 2008)

Sex & Social Injustice

I've had written work published before, but never anything visual. Usually, I think visual artists are uncomfortable having their work published for magazines... at least, that's what I always heard from my professors when I was in college. I've heard woes of black and white photos doing color art injustice, text littering the image, inappropriate cropping, and more. But the opportunity arose and I thought it fitting to accept the offer- not as a sell out moment, but because I thought it was worth supporting. All in all I don't think that the publishers did my drawing injustice because the colors are rich, it isn't chopped up, and the text really isn't that distracting. Smart of them to work with and around the composition of the figures.

The publication is PRISM, put out by the Evangelicals for Social Action. The full article can be found here (PDF), written by Bruce Wydick.


Also worth reading from this month's issue is the cover story, Toxic Culture (link is a PDF, peppered with additional articles so please read it!). Discretion is advised: PRISM takes no shortcuts in this article as it examines pornification of our culture. It is a bit explicit; be aware of photo examples of mainstream advertisements (like CK and fragrances). "Now a multibillion-dollar business, pornography plays a pervasive role in contemporary society. For the sake of our families and future generations, it's time to face the industry head on and take back our God-given sexuality." The pinnacle of the article points out the sexualization of today's children -- 'Girls as Consumables' and 'Boys as Predators' -- and offers insight to approach the issue with a Christ-like attitude, rather than being naiive. Admittedly, a quote from a 14 year old boy was shocking enough to make me realize that things are not the same way they were when I was growing up -- and that was only 10 to 12 years ago. Sexuality is much more prevalent in pre-teens (7 to12) and adolescents (13 to 19) than I realized.

It makes one wonder how things have gotten so permissive in our American, mainstream culture today. I've noticed this in watching television over the past few years, and moreso lately in seeing ads for shows like Swingtown that appears to glorify adultery and promiscuity in our history. True, I haven't seen the show, so I honestly cannot say much about it. But beyond that, even commercials and advertisements are racier than I remember and extremely suggestive, laden heavy with sexual connotations. I mean, really; Why must you sell sex when you're trying to sell deoderant? or jeans? or cars? or yogurt?! Prime example is Abercrombie & Fitch's explicit 2003 Christmas catalog: you really aren't selling clothing when you're really selling group sex. Even their webpage features a sculpted half-naked man in which you can barely even see the top of his jeans. All the more, abercrombiekids.com has a shirtless teen on it.
I'm sorry, what does the lack of clothes have to do with buying clothes? It really makes me queasy thinking about the potential of raising a child - son or daughter - in an environment such as this because exposure is pretty much unavoidable. It makes me queasy just knowing that sexuality is even pitched to children and young-teens, and that parents and manufacturers find the "prosti-tot" look acceptable.

Not just that, but generally speaking women are the targets of the sexualization... rather, girls. While the Dove Self-Esteem program is another topic of discussion, as are Dove products overall, but check out this video about the pervasiveness of body, image, etc completely surrounding a girl's world:

Dove Film: Onslaught

For the most part I try to avoid the things I don't like about media, like these and try not to purchase from stores that promote sex over their product. But as you may be able to tell, it's hard to do and to do so can be a double-edged sword; on the one hand I keep myself safe and protected but on the other hand I think I've lost touch with what's going on outside of my bubble. Where is the balance? How do you approach the issue of over-sexualization without being disregarded as a mere prude? Like the nature of Fair Trade, this is a difficult path to navigate but it's the small steps of choice, voice, and action that can even give us hope of things changing. It also takes a great deal of being informed and carrying that information with compassion. Here are some questions to think about:

• What can you do in your purchases and in your sphere of influence to make a positive impact on our sexually charged culture?
• How will you talk about this subject with your peers, co-workers, or family?
• What small steps can you take to not promote the sexualization of children?
• How can you be better informed? Do you need to examine your influences more closely?
  
• How might this issue affect your own life?
  
• Does your attitude need to change? (are you ambivelent? angry? immobilized?)
• If a follower of Christ, how does your faith and worldview need to impact this area of life more?
  

A first for everything

It was a beautiful day as I stood next to my husband, holding tightly onto his hand as I looked past unfamiliar faces to find someone I knew. On the hour-long car ride we were joking with one another but now my voice couldn't find words besides a quiet, "This is too weird," and the occasional comment about wanting to find a friend. We stood on the grassy-edged sidewalk leading up to the funeral home dressed in gray, black, and dark blue; I didn't want to go inside yet.

I've only been to a funeral for a friend once before in my life, when I was 13 and hardly had any idea how to emotionally handle a 19-year old's suicide. The few others I'd been to were family members that I had a distant relationship with. This was different, a lot different. I heard the news two days after the accident happened and I wasn't really sure what to think. I'd been out of college for two and a half years and moved to Philadelphia -- far flung from my stomping grounds and closer friends in good old Kutztown PA. The news wasn't surreal so much as it was 'just weird' to me, and life over the weekend carried on as usual. My Kutztown life had been distant and disconnected that I could half expect everything to be the same if I went back to it. However, the reality and tangibility of it began to sink it's way beneath the surface when we decided to go into the funeral home and I saw Matt's face in the back of the foyer.
Then Josh, Trevor, Timmy, Grace. Black, gray, olive, blue, purple. Quiet and sullen.
Deep breath and trying to ignore the tightening in my chest.

We talked quietly as people continued to file in, going past the foyer and into the other room. We were called to come in because everything was ready. I wasn't ready yet. I don't think any of us were.

As we went inside and stayed close to the nearest wall we passed other friends. Bridget and Tara, Jodi and Kayla.. we stayed in a nook across from them. The service was nice. There were so many people. I needed a tissue as I hid half of my face in Scott's shoulder. He didn't get a chance to meet Chris or enjoy his goofy grin and Strongbad impressions; I think they would have been friends. I tried not to stain his gray shirt with salty tears or snot too badly as I thought about this, and praised the Lord that Scott would get a chance to meet Chris one day in the presence of God. Eventually, Bridget noticed I needed a tissue and gave me one. The service ended, we waited until we could go in line. Then we waited in line. I couldn't see anything at first because we were so far back and there were so many people. And then I noticed the open casket and my heart plummeted to my stomach.

I'm reminded of different thigns David Crowder and Mike Hogan talked about in Everybody Wants to Go to Heaven but Nobody Wants to Die. Good book and there's a bit of truth in what they discuss later in the book: "What you are looking at is familiar, but it's bot the person you knew. What you are looking at is only like the person you knew."
That was not what I was thinking at the time, though. I glanced over my shoulder to Scott and tightened my grip on his hand. I wanted to run. I wasn't expecting the open casket viewing because of the nature of the accident. I can't really handle open caskets to begin with so to see one unexpectedly was even worse. The first time I saw one was when I went to the funeral of a friend's father, and the second time was my step-grandfather. There's something about it that seizes me in my gut and my throat all at the same time. I know the casket was black with white material inside, but I couldn't tell you what Chris looked like; I couldn't look. When we passed I practically darted with blurried vision and clenched teeth.

I don't want to remember my friend that way.

We stepped outside into a sea of black and gray and the colors of mourning. I clung to my husband's side, occassionally letting go to embrace friends as they passed. Most of them I hadn't seen in a while... not exactly the most favorable of circumstances to play catch-up. We then moved on to the truck to join the 50-car plus caravan to the cemetary. I was mostly quiet. We walked through the grassy grave-stone studded cemetary to the tent where Chris was to be buried. The sky couldn't have been more clear a blue than it was Tuesday. In my head I said goodbye, prayed for his family, and wished I called over the summer. He was involved with the National Guard; as they played taps and as the shots split the air, I heard many of us crying just a little bit more than we were before. His mother's sobs were the last thing I heard as most of us stood there in silence for what seemed like a long time. It broke my heart for her. Slowly we walked away and talked solemnly with friends. Deep breath.

Today, back in Philadelphia, the funeral already seems distant. Life continues to move forward -- though I do wish I could find a particular photo of Chris and I our Sophomore year at Kutztown, sitting in the hallway outside of Jodi's old dorm room.

RIP Chris Cole, September 10, 2008
I'll see you in glory, buddy.

When the going gets rough... the customer gets vicious?

As a discretion, this article has quite a bit of colorful language, and I don't mean the kind that's waxed poetic. But despite this, the author kind of has a point. Since when did it become our "right" to get what we want and by doing that we (generic: consumers) have to treat others like garbage when we are inconvenienced or have to go out of our way?

http://www.violentacres.com/archives/59/two-phrases-that-destroyed-american-culture

A prime example I have from this is not necessarily the horror story of witnessing someone being treated horribly, but still related. I was on an airplane just the other weekend, and as we were boarding a woman was having difficulty finding space for her luggage and was concerned about it getting checked. I helped her a little and in the end I offered her my space while I shoved my bag of unbreakables (see: one day's change of clothes and a hairdryer) underneath the seat in front of me -- which I didn't even know was an option. When the flight was over I grabbed her bag for her since it was a seat behind her's, and she said that I was the nicest person she's ever traveled with.

I was surprised, and I managed to say that I wanted to help and it was the right thing to do- adding that I didn't see a point in being a grumpy traveler, since it never solves anything.
I mean really, there's no need to be a grump to the people around you if you see someone who is in a tough spot and might need some help... and even though they might be delaying the overall movement of your plans it's not a big deal to lend a helping hand. Maybe we all need to go over the Golden Rule from time to time: Treat others the way you want to be treated.

When it comes down to it none of us really deserve the things we think we deserve... But it's probably the Christian -- the one who is really following Jesus and not acting high and mighty -- who recognizes this the most. At least, that's what I can only speculate. From my understanding of Scripture and the teachings of Jesus is that we are to be humble in all circumstances. Paul says it as well in Philippians 2:3,4 - "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." There's something about barking over a plate of differently cut potatoes that just doesn't settle with considering others better than myself. Maybe that's just me. I'd still eat 'em.

Patron of the Arts

I was browsing through various blogs and stumbled upon this interview with a screenwriter/author/professor, Barbara Nicolosi. The interview is quite insightful, and actually comes from a Catholic point of view of the arts -- particularly that of media, Hollywood, and the like. I typically will find stuff like this from the Protestant point of view - which I also come from - and actually a lot of her opinions about the topic resonate with my own. Check it out:

http://www.cuf.org/laywitness/LWonline/mj08nicolosi.asp


Yes, it's long, but absolutely worth the read!

"Pope John Paul II says in his “Letter to Artists” that the way to save the soul of an artist is that they really commit themselves to beauty. Because if you find beauty you will find God. Real beauty."

Arts - hooray!

"Christian art is by no means always religious art..."

Here is an excerpt from Francis Schaeffer's essay, "Some Perspectives on Art:"


Christian art is by no means always religious art, that is, art which deals with religious themes. Consider God the Creator. Is God's creation totally involved with religious subjects? What about the universe? the birds? the trees? the mountains? What about the bird's song? and the sound of the wind in the tree? When God created out of nothing by his spoken word, he did not just create "religious" objects. And in the Bible, as we have seen, God commanded the artist, working within God's creation, to fashion statues of oxen and lions and carvings of almond blossings for the tabernacle and the temple.
We should remember that the Bible contains the Song of Solomon, the love song between a man and a woman, and it contains David's song to Israel's national heroes. Neither subject is religious. But God's creation -- the mountains, the trees, the birds and the bird's songs -- are also non-religious art. Think about that. If God made the flowers, the are worth painting. If God made the sky, the sky is worth painting. If God made the ocean, indeed it's worth writing poetry about. It is worth man's while to create works upon the basis of the great works God has already made.
This whole notion is rooted in the realization that Christianity is not just involved with "salvation" but with the total man in the total world. The Christian message begins with the existence of God forever and then with creation. It does not begin with salvation. We must be thankful for salvation, but the Christian message is more than that. Man has a value because he is made in the image of God and thus man as man is an important subject for Christian art. Man as man -- with his emotions, his feelings, his body, his life -- this is an important subject matter for poetry and novels. I'm not talking about man's lostness, but about his mannishness. In God's world the individual counts. Therefore, Christian art should deal with the individual.
...
Christian art is the expression of the whole life of the whole person who is in Christ. What a Christian portrays in his art is the totality of life. Art is not to be solely a vehicle for some sort of self-conscious evangelism.



There is much in this essay (or pamphlet, rather: Art & the Bible) that I would love to write down and share with the masses, but that would probably infringe upon some copyright law or another. If you're interested in what else he has to say, I recommend getting a copy of it because so far as I can tell it's Scripturally accurate rather than depending on Christian-culture-trends. It also sheds some light about where art is actually brought up in the Bible, in all of art's varying forms. It's worth a read.

---

On an unrelated note, there are many things that could be said about life and art right now and once again I'm in a place where I have to take a deep breath. School is starting again soon which means my lull of a summer ought to be amped up with meeting new people, mentoring students, and preparing discussion group material. Because of certain circumstances it also means that I've been tense lately about how everything is going to pan out financially for my husband and I. However, God provided a beautiful picture for me the other day as I went outside to read the essay mentioned above. Next to the bench I decided to claim there were these short plants with little purple flowers with sparrows hopping around them. As I watched, the sparrows would check out the purple blossoms, hop up, and pluck the petals right off if not the whole flower. I couldn't figure out what they were doing for a few seconds but realized they were eating the flowers. Now, I don't actually know a lot about birds so I didn't know that they even ate flower blossoms. The whole scene playing out before me was encouraging because it was a vivid picture of God providing food for the birds of the air, as described in Matthew chapter 6.

Other than this, life has been well. Artistically, not much has been going on although I recently was challenged to start and finish a drawing in a limited amount of time because I wanted to reach a deadline for a magazine. It turned out well and it also forced me to use a medium I haven't used in a while: pastels. Now before you start thinking of bold colors or soft drawings of flowers or lakes or something, my use for pastels is to more or less color the paper and through pens and erasing I make the drawing. I'm sure this technique is called something but I haven't a clue what it is. I just know it was a 5 minute exercise employed by a drawing professor in college. I've since started another drawing this way and hope to have a better idea of where I'm going with it soon.

When I get a chance, I'll post pictures!

Rocks and Trees, you and me: part IV

The Lost River was very impressive. It's a gorge filled with humongous boulders and a river running through it. There were also some caves that we got to explore as part of the trail- simple ones that would be safe for the public to go through alone (some were closed off because of water conditions). It didn't give us a chance to go exploring off the trail, but in these circumstances it was probably best. There really wasn't anywhere safe to go! All the rocks were wet with water or at angles that would have been extremely difficult to remain balanced.

I managed to balance my camera in a little nook in the wall. Yes, it was chilly down in the gorge.

There were many trees growing out of the rocks at crazy angles, much like this one... it was amazing.

This was the entrance to one cave called the Lemon Squeezer, which connected to another cave that had no other entrance (forget the name). This little device was set up so that, if you couldn't get through the "Squeezer Gauge," you were NOT going to fit through certain areas of the cave. It's also designed so that the only way into the cave is to go through the gauge; very smart. Scott and I fit through with ease, and they weren't kidding about parts you had to squeeze through; one spot in particular made you wiggle through on your stomach. I miss caving.

Other random photos from our adventure include these:

I kept trying to get a shot of the White Mountain National Forest sign while in the car, but kept missing. This was the best I managed to get.

You got to have your mini-golf... it took us forever to find one that was open after 5pm.

We couldn't agree on whether this was a crow or a raven. I say it's a raven because it was a very large bird, but Scott says it's a crow. It actually was a lot closer to us than the picture conveys.

How is it that the STATE liquor store is bigger than the "safety rest area?"

I love my bridesmaids. Thanks girls. ;)

Rocks and Trees, you and me: part III

Glen Ellis Falls was probably our most treasured place to visit through the trip. I know it was for me, because not only did it give me a chance to let my little-mountain-climbing-inner-child at play, but it was also a place where the impact of God's handiwork particularly struck us. I'm not exactly one to stay on the beaten or marked path when I end up in national park settings... So while we did follow the initial route, Scott and I hopped the fence and crawled all over rocks and gazed at water running less than a foot away from our feet. Because of our possibly illegal off-trail-blazing, we were at the Falls for a good hour or more just taking it all in. All of NH was beautiful, but there was one point in which we were standing on the edge of the falls and looking into a vast valley, and realized the small-ness of our existence. It was gorgeous.

That little space up in the rocks is where Glen Ellis drops.

Closer to the drop, I took a picture looking back at the water headed for the edge.

You can't completely tell, but I took this picture by perching on a rock right on the edge of the waterfall, right near that space in the rocks in the previous photo. It was really breathtaking, not to mention probably very dangerous; had I slipped I would have been done for. But I was fine, Scott was nearby the whole time. I need a little more adventure like this in my life.

Safe on ground level = VERY LOUD and misty

I took more pictures further on from this point, but figured I'd spare you even more rocks and water. But we did get to a point where we couldn't go off the beaten path anymore, at least not easily; the rocks kind of just dropped twenty feet and became smaller and smaller down the river.

Rocks and trees, you and me: part II

Mount Washington was an adventure I won't easily forget. I'd never really been up a true mountain before (everything in PA that's called a mountain really is not - they don't actually reach the altitude needed to be called mountains), and since Mt. Washington is the highest peak in the northeast, what better way to start?? Unfortunately, once we got close to the top it was completely shrouded in fog, so we didn't get to see the view. In fact, we could barely see ten feet in front of the truck or our noses.

Taken on the way to Mount Washington. We came around a bend and immediately when saw this amazing view went, "Woooooooah..." and pulled over.

I was pretty amazed at how the trees and plant-life changed before my eyes as we went up the mountain. I didn't realize that these were the same plants at a lower altitude; they're just stunted because of being so high up. The progressively got shorter and stumpier as we went.

"It's COLD!" The wind was incredible, and very bitingly cold. Here, Scott demonstrates thus. :) And we weren't even near the top yet!

Steep incline getting nearer to the top... and 20 mph the whole way up the mountain.

Talk about eerie: this spot was silent besides the occasional sound of wind and one truck going back down the mountain. If you looked up towards the sky, all you could see was a void of white; it was very disorienting and just creepy.

Rocks and trees, you and me: part I

Finally, some photos from our adventures in New Hampshire. This was such a great trip for me personally, because I'd never been on vacation before. I know, you must be thinking, Never been on vacation? What kind of crazy talk is that? But it's true! I've been on some mission related trips, but that's not exactly vacation time. Then again, I suppose you could say that my trip to visit my parents in Nevada over Christmas was technically going on vacation, although I never really thought of it that way. Hmmm.... nor the visits to Ohio to visit family. I guess I've never been on a vacation that didn't involve family members before. But of course that's not the only reason it was a great trip, since Scott and I FINALLY got to spend some quality intimate time together without any other distractions or obligations. It was just us, nature, and God. Scott got a little antsy towards the end, since the towns we were nearest to pretty much shut down by 5:00pm, which left us with little to do -- and it rained for the last half of the week, keeping us indoors. But we still had a good time.

It was just beautiful, a much needed retreat from the concrete and noise of the city. New Hampshire was quiet and nothing but trees, mountains, rocks, moose, and bear. Okay, so we didn't really get to see any moose or bears, which was only slightly disappointing. I really wanted to see a real moose! But I digress... these photos will come to you in parts, because there are just too many to put in one blog post to be user-friendly. The photos are also primarily of the sight-seeing we went to, and not much else... so lots of pictures of rocks, trees, water, and fog.

On the way...



We're here! ... Er.. I didn't think to take more pictures of the place we stayed... One nice thing was that the ski resort was in-between seasons, so no ski traffic and no summer traffic. It was VERY quiet, and I liked that. The room/house we stayed in was a cute and giant bi-level kind of place that spoiled me all week. 1200 sq. ft. verses the little apartment of probably like 300 sq. ft. Full kitchen, full living room, and a huge bedroom upstairs. It was awesome.


The Saco River ran right next to the place we were staying at, so close that they had a trail marked out that would take you there from 'campus.' It was really neat, and our first romp in the nature of NH. The trail was primarily in woods, but it cleared out once we got nearer the riverbed.

Tracks that I found right before the river... I don't know what it is, but it looked relatively fresh. Looks too small to be a bear...? Hmm..

We did not set these rocks up, but apparently many other people did. There were quite a few of these stacks along the river...

My first encounter with Black Flies... I'd never heard of them before but WOW are they nasty! Good thing that we discovered this pest (though I got bit up pretty good) early on, and bought deep woods bug spray the next day.