I'm about to get a little sentimental on you, so if you can't handle it, stop reading now.
I became a Christian my senior year of high school. Unlike many folks I've met since then, I did not grow up in a church nor did I really have any familiarity with churchy-things for the majority of my life. In fact, I would wager to say I was pretty anti-church (see: anti-Christian) by the time I moved to PA and went through the last years of middle school and into high school. I was hurt by a church--the circumstances weren't really their part though, retrospectively. When I decided to be a Christian, it was difficult to even get to the point that I wanted to try going to a church. I started going to a church with my friend Sarah the last half of senior year, and partially into the summer. Once I hit college, I had no where to go for the first half of my freshman year. I didn't even know what it meant to look for a church and I was still a bit edgy about the idea of being in a congregation filled with people who I thought wouldn't want much to do with me. I was nervous around church goers.
Eventually I checked out a few churches.... and by 'few', I really mean it. I think I only really checked out three. I'm not so good with church-shopping.
there was this little church that I went to with a few friends, though, and to be honest I don't really even remember my first day being there. What I do remember is that I felt okay there.. safe.. like I was accepted. Maybe it's because I had a handful of friends that went there too, maybe it's because the congregation was small and I didn't feel like just another face in the crowd. But, it's the church I ended up sticking with: Cornerstone Community Church.
That's a breif history of my church experience for you. I've been a part of Cornerstone for three and a half years, and they are truly my church family. It's the first church I've ever been a member of. It's the place where I've seen Christian community and family in action through homegroups. There's a lot that I've learned from people like Ronaldo, the Herrlins (Dan and Trista, and Pastor Nate and Anne), and a few others in the past. I've been able to feel like an adopted little sister to Mark and Steph Yoder and a big sister to their daughter Amy. Of course, I have learned a great deal from our head pastor, Mark (fondly: P.Mark) Hardenbrook, from his sermons. I think it would be safe to say that one big reason I wanted to stay at Cornerstone was because of the sermons. While I do not mean to paint any sort of extravagant picture of P.Mark, there is something about his sermons that usually have bold confidence and humility wrapped up into speaking Biblical truths. His are the sort of sermons that have taught me, challenged me, and encouraged me.... really, isn't that what a sermon is supposed to do no matter who is giving it?
Over the past year or so, I have had the opportunity to get together with P.Mark for coffee-ish-ness (or, favorably, breakfast... even it if was at 7:00 in the morning or earlier) on and off. Like any good man or woman of God he's been able to dig at the tough stuff going on in my crazy world of thinking, one hand offering challenges and the other encouragement, both pushing me towards Christ. The Lord has been so good to have blessed me with people that can effectively teach me with that sort of method. But what I really want to say is that P.Mark has become more than just a pastor to me, but someone that I can easily call a dear friend. He is a shepherd that cares for his sheep and acknowledges the fact that he too is a sheep cared for by a Shepherd.
So, why am I going into all of this? What does it matter? Some if it has to do with the fact that I will not be going to Cornerstone for much longer. Sometime within the next two months (Lord willing), I will be moving to Philadelphia. But there's more to it than that.
It was about 11PM when I started this entry, a little under twelve hours after the church service from this morning. P.Mark's sermon was about how to handle change, all focusing around the account of Joseph's life. That man certainly went through an awful lot of changes in his life, and all the while handled them in a God-honoring way even though he probably got scared, angry, and sad at times. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why P.Mark would be talking about this though. I tried to figure it out, and thought it may have something to do with the fact that the college students were back or that the church is moving into a new building.
That's when the unexpected was spoken.
With quickly reddening eyes and a choked up voice, P.Mark announced that he was to be resigning from his pastorship position at our church. I was stunned when he started talking about it. He explained that his and Kathy's (that's his wife) gifts were needed elsewhere.... his parents in Arkansas are becoming unable to fully care for themselves. His father is becoming blind and his mother's arthritis is getting so bad that she can't use her hands. This has been on his and Kathy's mind for 18 months... I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this is for them, on any and all levels. They aren't sure when they are going to move, although Kathy mentioned to me that they are likely to be around for a few more months yet.
After (really during) P.Mark's annoucement, I wasn't sure how to react aside from doing my best to hold back tears. I wasn't too successful. I know that it's good that P.Mark and his wife are going to be with his parents... in a lot of ways, I highly admire it and hope that I would be brave/strong enough to do that when my own parents are in need later in life. I know that the Lord is going to continue working in Cornerstone, and I know the Lord is going to continue working in their lives in Arkansas... I know He's going to be working in me apart from Cornerstone and apart from P.Mark. But I will be honest... much of this morning and a good portion of this afternoon was very difficult for me. In some ways I feel self-centered, but I am a human being. I have real, raw emotion that does have the tendancy to get through the fortress I normally have built up to stay composed.
Perhaps it's been as difficult for me as it has been because it's double-fold.. Not only am I leaving, but P. Mark will be leaving too. See, I'm not sure if I ever told him (I'll be sure to do so now), but if I ever get married, P.Mark is the pastor I want. That's how much I love this guy... seriously.
It's weird thinking that if I visit Cornerstone in a year, P.Mark won't be around. It makes me wish I would have opened up to him and his family a lot sooner than I did, but I'm grateful for the time I did get to hang out... and now I just want to hang out with his family all the time before I leave. But I know I can't because he probably wouldn't let me. He's a good pastor like that and a better steward of his time than I am. In some ways, it makes me really grateful that I'm going to be in Allentown for at least another month-- today was going to be my last Sunday. If it had happened that way, I would have been much more upset.
Now, I'll be praying for him, his family, and Cornerstone... we'll be going through a new phase in church-life: looking for a new pastor. I can't imagine Cornerstone without P.Mark there, but there will be a time in the future where new people won't be able to imagine Cornerstone with whoever comes in his place.
After the service, I walked up to him and said, "You- what are you doing making me cry?" Some conversation passes between us and then he remarks to me, "Hey, you were leaving us first."
Touche, P.Mark.
-Y
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