Dear Dirt-
I'm not sure if I want to address my blogs as "dear..." anymore. It's fun. But I need to think of something more creative... Maybe "Dear terra firma..." Hmm. I'm also realizing that my blog is about as visually interesting as Wonderbread. Any other blogging friends that can help me out?
Anyway... the long overdue art rant is here! Cue the music. Let's go.
I "lost" my art studio back in December/January. By "lost" I really mean that, despite that deep grace I had shacking up my stuff in an older church building with other artists, I simply couldn't miss any more monthly payments with a good conscience. There were other issues going on, one was distance from my apartment and lack of an automobile, but money was probably the key reason I needed to pack up and shove everything into our small two-bedroom apartment. Oh... wait, a quarter of it is still in the Explorer. Losing a separate space was depressing for me, which spiraled darker due to other reasons, and I dreaded every trip I had to go in and collect stuff.
Now that Spring and Summer have come and almost gone, I'm just now mustering the creative spirits that be to make stuff again. Over the summer I've been working on piecing necklaces together... To my surprise I found a hobby that I really enjoy. AND I can make money while I do it! That's more than what most folks can say. Heck it's more than what most artists can say. It's meager, but we'll see where it goes. I'm just delighted by the unexpected blessing. But now I want to get back to my usual groove and do drawings and paintings.
So what do I do?
Blog about it.
Why? Well, even though I'm generating a few ideas, those ideas are grand. They involve what I was doing before - 6ft drawings. I can't do 6ft drawings.. in fact, with the furniture, I barely have a 6ft space. Okay so the hallway is pretty good, but it's too narrow for my paper.
You know what my problem is? All I see are obstacles. You'd think that after working in college ministry -- with art students no less -- for four years God would have taught me something about seeing possibilities, rather than obstacles. I guess I have a thick skull because I'm still stuck on obstacles. Once I was shown the gloriousness of larger-scaled drawings by an artist friend, I seem to be having a hard time going back. I need something to kick-start my brain so I can think small again. Going to museums doesn't help... all the art seems to be large and in charge, and anything smaller is way too intricate.
One of the things I'd been working on while trying to shove my creativity was cutting up old journals and finding new ways to use them in an art form. Shortly after I became a Christian, I've journaled retreats, sermons, talks, and whatever else "Christian" I attended. I probably have about 9 journals - not counting the ones I've had in the past year or so. All they do is sit around and take up space. I don't know who I'm kidding by thinking I'll go back and read them. ... Ok, I've done this on a few occasions, usually in the process of moving. But aside from that, I haven't taken the time to flip through old sermon notes and go "ahhh, yes, of course I remember that." Like several people out there, I have this compulsion that one day I will NEED these for something, sometime.
Maybe that time is now. I don't know.
Anyway, so I have these old journals. I've been thinking of cutting them up and reformatting them in a way that no longer makes them private ... obviously, because art is rarely meant to be fully private. But it's a totally different medium. Right now there's little drawing involved, if any. It's just cutting up some paper and trying to think of it in a sculptural way. As a few of my friends already know, I cringe at the idea of doing something sculptural. I had a professor in college that completely turned me off to the idea of being a sculptural artist. I hated that class because the professor made me feel like I would never amount to anything as an artist. She never said that, but her teaching style SCREAMED it. Thankfully, I never took a class with her again; unfortunately that also means that I haven't bridged into anything sculptural since. Also as a result, I view sculptural art with a very wary, almost suspecting eye. Like it's going to betray my sense of being an artist somehow; as if it's judging me. Seems crazy, but deep down I know it's true.
Approaching these old journals is profoundly confusing for me. I want to do something, but what? I feel dumb even trying to attempt something, like an apparition of my old professor is shaking her head like I don't have a clue what I'm doing (oh wait, I don't). Who knew a professor would make such a negative impact on my way of approaching art making?! I knew my math teacher in high school destroyed my sense of mathematics, but this?? How awful!
If you've got some artists that I can check out, and encouraging techniques or something I can learn, I would greatly appreciate it. Who can help a sister out?
Lovingly, and with frustration,
Yiv
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