The Three-Oh is Fast Approaching

At one point, I had these 30 ambitions to do before I turned 30. They promptly fell to some crazy gorge and got stuck somewhere. So like New Year's Resolutions, I only got part of the way through before I forgot about them. Well here they are again, but I'm changing the rules! I'm giving myself another year to complete my list (that I modified for the umptenth time).

"Why," you ask?

Why! Because I am turning 30 in thirteen days! That's why! And I feel like the things I said I wanted to do should still at least be given a shot. Trust me when I say I tend to give things a chance well after the expiration date.



Here's a handful of accomplishments:

We have a real bed, as opposed to a futon frame with a mattress thrown onto it.
I had a consistent exercise/yoga routine for a few months. It counts.
I've done a professional photo shoot with hubby.

Find a way to make art and make money in a consistent way. (sewing, sewing, sewing...)

I was cooking for others more... then I started sewing more, and I saw no one.

Be less cynical. (I go in seasons - but I swear I'm better than before)

Have a mini-garden... or be a part of a co-op.  I am successfully growing inedible plants in my cubicle at work. That's as good as it's going to get realistically, right now, so I'm counting it.

I had a professional massage (once again, thank you Erin and Katy!)

I did an MS Walk last April.

We went camping this past year and it was AWESOME. We're working on camping more.

I'm pretty sure I eat better than I used to when I started this list.

One of my goals was to go to a city I have never been to before, and we went drove to Clearwater, Florida.

I've been able to visit my brother a little more than usual, which is nice.

I'd like to apply to more art shows in the coming year, but I am in a year-long exhibit at a college right now and I'm in an exhibition I'm curating, coming up in January. Which is more than the previous year, so I AM COUNTING IT.

My artspace at home is kind of more conducive to making art... however now it's getting cluttered with the many products of said the art making.



Here's what I still want to do:


Ride a bike in the city. I promise to find someone to take a video of me being terror stricken while riding down a Philadelphia street.


Would you believe I still haven't gone on a legit picnic, you know, with basket and blanket in tow?

I still think it would be fun to go on a Philadelphia Tour of some kind.

I think it's a little late for me to try going somewhere outside of the US on my birthday, considering I don't even have a passport. So the goal is for me to get a passport and then jump over the border if I can.


I'd still like to take a self defense class, just in case.
....and an art class again (an encaustic class would be my dream) or have access to a printing studio...





Seriously, guys, I would love to have a separate studio for my painting and art-ing. ... Seriously.



It would still be kind of cool to jump in on an Improv Everywhere... uh.. somehow.

You know, I wanted to participate in the Sketchbook Project, and I still kinda do. But I think instead I really want to spend time developing a "business" out of the stuffed animals I sew.

I still think I should start making a comic revolving around our cats, Autumn and Tobia, having adventures. 

Reviewing this list reminds me that I am still failing at writing in my prayer journal. I should get on top of that because there are so many crazy things in my head.

Originally one of my goals was to participate in a print exchange again. I would love this. But seeing that much of my time is spent sewing right now, I think a better goal is to find a balance between working 40 hours a week, and creating things/visiting friends/reading/journaling/spending time with hubby with the rest of those hours.

I've thought about it more... and I still want to go on a fishing adventure!! I don't know why!!


This last one is a bonus that again I was going to remove, buuuuut it would still be a super great bonus:

I discovered that petting a tiger is not as far fetched as I originally thought. Or, at least being in the presence of a living, breathing tiger. I don't know if I'd be able to touch it. But you can "adopt" tigers at the Philadelphia Zoo, and as chance would have it, for $150 you can set up a personal meet-and-greet with a tiger and its handler.

Actually a secondary bonus would be to go see the Lion King in NYC.

The Sweet Spot I Accidentally Found

I’ve noticed I have a habit of getting geared up to write a journal entry, and never end up actually writing anything. Kind of like how I will have an important conversation with someone (a friend, a family member) in my head and work out exactly how it’s going to go, only to have it never happen (I’m not the only one that does that, right?). So finally I’ve got a moment where I can focus my thoughts and throw them out into the blogosphere to see what happens.

Recently, I discovered a funny thing about my personal creativity over the past year that I never would have expected. It’s kind of awesome – which is equally unexpected.

When I was in college working on my degree in Fine Arts, I had a special appreciation for my friends who were in the Craft department. You know, the fiber artists, ceramicists, jewelers, wood workers, etc. The skill it took to make what they were making was mind boggling. While I admired the Craft department’s work, I also made sure to differentiate what they did (artisanal arts) with what I was doing (the FINE arts). Thinking about it now, this is actually kind of odd because I decided to pursue Printmaking, an art form that I would say has deep artisanal roots and it’s often paired with book-arts. The difference between the Fine Arts and Artisanal Arts/Crafting in my head was that the Fine Arts hefts emotional and conceptual weight to visually communicate with the soul of another human being. Meanwhile, Artisanal Arts were aesthetic goods that were for function or décor. Honestly, I still think that’s at least partially true, but the notion I once held was that the Fine Arts were somehow a better pursuit than Artisanal Arts – a notion that my spidey-sense has picked up on from other fine artists and galleries.

As I’m writing this, the more absurd the notion seems, and hopefully it seems just as ridiculous to everyone else reading this. But also as I’m writing this it seems apparent that this really comes down to Enlightenment (and certainly before and after that) mentality: that intellectual pursuits are somehow better than physical ones. Although not a definitive statement by any means, the Fine Arts seem to hang out in a high realm of intellect whereas Artisanal Arts spends time in the physical earthy world of “things.” At least this seems to be how the camps are perceived in a worst case scenario. And so with this idea buried in my brain, I’ve kind of always poo-poo’ed the idea of crafting with any kind of seriousness. To be clear, that’s for myself: I always wanted to make paintings and etchings and Fine Artsy things and be that kind of capital A Artist full-time, a lofty dream that for practical reasons doesn’t seem achievable until I’m old and retired.

On to a side story but it’s important to where I’m going with this, so hang with me.
 
Being a Creative type, with the absolute need to be making something, I’ve also been interested in other creative outlets besides the Fine Arts. Illustrating and cartooning were a focus when I was a little kid up through a good portion of college, and I still do that. To make some extra money, I flirted with making costume jewelry for two or three years, incorporating elements of illustration. I still have a bunch of supplies from that and still fiddle with it now and then, and turns out it’s a handy skill to have. I would sell the necklaces on Etsy and also in two boutiques in the city, so it was cool. But all of that wasn’t stuff I took seriously, and looked at it more like a hobby.

About this time last year, I was selling the necklaces (oh, and tile coasters with bird illustrations which I still make) at an adorable shop called Nice Things Hand Made. As you can probably guess, the shop features items that are handmade. Every month, the owner, Elissa, does a little second Saturday exhibition in the shop to feature a local artist or artist who sells items in the shop. In December, she puts on an ornament show. I wanted to participate, and decided I wanted to make little animal ornaments made out of felt. Where THAT even came from, I haven’t the slightest idea. I’ve never worked with felt before, I don’t own a sewing machine, and I only really know the basics when it comes to hand stitching. But I decided to give it a go, and next thing I know Elissa gave me the kind of look that is a window into the gears turning in her head. She asked if I can make the felt animals bigger, I said sure, and for the past year I’ve been making stuffed animals made out of felt for the shop, through Facebook, and on Etsy. Things aren’t crazy, but picking up.

 

I absolutely love making these stuffed animals. It’s very cathartic, and utilizes a very different creative process than the one I use for painting or printmaking. It’s like I’ve been meandering through different creative outlets outside of Fine Arts, and I accidentally stumbled into a sweet spot. Up until very recently, I was pretty shy and felt awkward telling people about what I’ve been up to when they ask what I’ve been making lately. I don’t recommend telling a gallery owner that you’re making stuffed animals when they ask this question, even if you have a pretty good relationship with them. You get this blank stare like you just said something a little crazy but they don’t want to offend you by reacting to it. Enter in the Fine Arts and Artisanal Arts divide that I discussed earlier.
Maybe it’s just awkward to me because more of my free time is spent sewing, and less of it has been spent working on paintings, but I don’t want to give the impression that I’ve “given up” on being a “fine artist.” I still love painting and printmaking because it meets a different kind of artistic need. The thing that comes as a complete surprise is that for the first time really ever that I desire something other than being a Fine Arts Artist full-time. Turns out I would really love to make stuffed animals as full-time work at some point, and continue painting/printmaking on the side.

Who knew? I’m slowly but surely getting to a point where I’m okay with this weird Fine Arts / Artisanal Arts dichotomy that exists within myself, too, possibly due to the stuffed animals (okay, maybe more craft than artisanal) and painting/printmaking pieces feed two very different creative outlets. I’ve discovered that several other artists are multi-disciplinary in this way, which helps a lot.

If you’re an artist, do you find that there are different creative outlets you pursue? What are they?
Have you experienced the same weird Fine Arts (which I think includes theater and dance and music, not just painting etc) and Artisanal Arts divide as I have?

Please share your thoughts!


P.S. For the curious, I sell my stuffed animals on Etsy at yivviepants.etsy.com.

30 Buckets Before 30

Though there are some other things buzzing around that I could write about, for now I thought I might update my bucket list. Because I know you're very interested in knowing about the things that I've accomplished in the four months I've been 29. (don't worry, I'm not altogether interested either)

What I've got done:
1. Have a grown-up bed, and not a loft bed - DONE! As in, officially done, and not just kind-of done. We officially have a grown-up bed. I wasn't expecting this to happen until... I don't know, sometime after 30.

2. Have a consistent exercise/yoga routine - Believe it or not, I actually am trying to exercise on a regular basis thanks to Tony Stark Horton's Power 90 Workout.... not to be confused with his p90x workout. So this can be legitimately crossed off the list.

3. Do a professional photo shoot with hubby.

4. Find a way to make art and make money in a consistent way. This is worthy of a separate blog post.

5. Cook for others, and with others, more. - Not consistent, but we did host Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner this year. I look forward to doing that more.

6. Be less cynical. I *think* I'm better at this?

7. Have a mini-garden... or be a part of a co-op. - I didn't have a mini-garden, but the unedible plant in my office seems to be living and doing very well. I'm counting it. This will be moved to another list whenever we happen to gain a house.

8. Get a professional massage - My friends Katy and Erin got me a massage gift certificate for my birthday!!! YAY!


9. Do an MS Walk - I am signed up to walk on May 4th!





Ongoing, or things that just need work anyway:
10. Visit my brother more. - I saw my brother for Easter! This sounds like a simple task but it's, um, more complicated than it should be. 

11. Have a healthier diet / eat less processed foods. With exercising, this seems to be going better.

12. VOLUNTEER!!



Here's what I want to accomplish by 2014, with the rest of my 30 items:
Now that it's starting to get warmer again outside, several of these should be pretty easily accomplished.


13. Go Camping - We have a tent and a camp stove. We need to take a trip to an EMS to get sleeping bags...

14. Ride a bike in the city - Now that the weather is getting warmer, the opportunity to do this is near. I promise to find someone to take a video of me being terror stricken while riding down a Philadelphia street.
15. Go on a legit picnic, basket and all

16. Go on a Philadelphia Tour of some kind, because I've lived here for 6 years and I'd like to learn something about the history of where I live.

17. Go somewhere outside of the US - Canada is looking like the least expensive option. Maybe a pre-emptive 30th birthday adventure... That's a hint to my friends. And my husband. If he read blogs.
18. Now that I'm thinking about it, Get a Passport should be on this list.

19. Take a self-defense class

20. Take an art class of some kind. My soul is turning into a pill bug without some kind of input.
21. Pursue getting into art shows again - I kind of fell off this boat and into a black hole last year.

22. Make my artspace at home more conducive to art making - I started!! I just need to finish. Still.

23. Go to a city I have never been to before - There aren't too many cities that I've been to, so there are all kinds of options.

24. Participate in an Improv Everywhere event - I don't know, it could be fun. And totally outside of what I would normally be comfortable doing.

25. Participate in the Sketchbook Project

26. Start making a comic revolving around our cats, Autumn and Tobias - This is replacing the idea I had to start writing a book, because drawing my cats having adventures is more fun, and in theory easier to accomplish. Doing that before I'm 30 is another matter.

27. Get back into writing in my prayer journal - FAILING.

28. Participate in a print-exchange again - I so miss printmaking. Ugh.

29. Go fishing - OK, I'm not dead set on going fishing but I'd kind of like to catch a fish. Who can I go fishing with??
30. Seriously pursue having kids

BONUS!
I considered nixing my BONUS Bucket, but after some investigating I discovered that petting a tiger is not as far fetched as I thought. Or, at least being in the presence of a living, breathing tiger. I don't know if I'd be able to touch it. But you can "adopt" tigers at the Philadelphia Zoo, and as chance would have it, for $150 you can set up a personal meet-and-greet with a tiger and its handler.

This kind of tiger is not acceptable.

Inspiiiiired

You know, this blog used to be an attempt to sort out my thoughts when it came to art making, and posting images of my work in progress. Wonder what happened...

So, in light of that, here's a brief entry to let you know that I think I found my arts' soul mate. Okay, maybe not soul mate, that's too strong an affiliation for someone I don't know and for a process that looks to be quite different from my own. But the layers of color... the layers!

http://seedsgallery.com/artists/jeremy-fahringer/#
http://jeremyfahringer.com/

Paintings by Jeremy Fahringer. I don't know who he is, but I dig the paintings. This one in particular.

Developer, 2007

Since the latest images seem to be from 2007, I have to wonder if he's still working on this type of painting. I know my own work has taken on different forms over the past several years, although in a strange way carrying some similarities along the way. I wonder how much Mr. Fahringer's work has changed since 2007? Hmm...

Don't Take Politcal Anger Out On Hair

It isn't often that I come across a photo meme that makes me have any kind of response other than being amused, for ill or good. However, today while breezing through my Facebook news feed (the bane of any kind of valuable time), I came across the image below, shared from a Republican friend through a right-wingers group lauding the image as accurate.

Now, as I have stated in previous posts, I'm politically independent; I am not keen on pledging allegiance to a political party. What upsets me about this image actually has nothing to do with what I think about President Obama and his presidency, and everything to do with the snide "Fake Hair," the ignorance of white people, and putting women in a box. It has me in such a mental fit that I felt I needed to get it out there in a blog post.

I'm about as white as you can get when it comes to skin tones, thanks to some Irish heritage somewhere in there, so I've been told. You can literally see veins through my skin on my arms and legs if you're looking close enough. I noticed this one day (to my horror) when I was shaving my legs. My version of tan is laughable, and for the most part concentrates into wonderful freckles on my face and shoulders during the summer. My hair fair and it is not thick; getting it to stay in some kind of real curl is nearly impossible but I can manage some slight waves naturally. All of that is to say that I don't have any experience being dark skinned or have thick, textured hair. But I do have a few friends who do. And I live in a city where you can find all kinds of hair products that tailor to all kinds of hair-types, products I had never seen when I was living in the suburbs.

The first thing about this image that comes to mind is, what does Michele Obama's hair have do with the quality of presidency or anything to do with politics at all? It seems to suggest that if you have fake hair, you are not a quality person. It's an unfair attack on a woman, and an unfair attack on the First Lady -- which I can't really think of anyone doing except when it came to that whole Clinton cheating fiasco.

Secondly, this seems to really come down to white-ignorance. Michele has had a lot of different hair styles, and I don't think it has anything to do with wigs and everything to do with having the resources to do different things with her hair. From what I've read and heard from friends, African-American hair takes a LOT of work to maintain, especially if you want it straight. About two years ago, I went with an African friend to get her hair done (she was born and raised in South Africa and came here for college, and stayed). She was getting the twists in her hair re-done, since they had grown out quite a bit. I have to tell you, the whole process looked painful and tiring, since took a long time. I also had helped the same friend get ready for her wedding, and she showed me how she puts natural oils in her hair to keep it nice, and we put her twists into rollers to make them curly instead of straight.

I briefly had co-worker who would openly admit that she wore wigs and they were so beautiful, I didn't even know it until she told me! For all the work and effort that goes into maintaining, I don't blame any woman who would rather opt for a wig. So to go on and basically attack Michele Obama for wearing a wig (though I don't think she even did), you may as well attack every woman who chooses to do so. Or better yet, get educated about African-American hair.

Another issue that this brings in for me is the idea that if you don't fit a certain image of a woman, you aren't good enough. Why is it that African-American women straighten their hair in the first place? Certainly, some women like it, for the same sorts of reasons that a white woman with ultra curly hair may want to straighten it out once in a while. But, I have to wonder, how much does it have to do with just not feeling pretty enough? An African-American friend of mine was very candid once, in admitting that she didn't feel pretty growing up because all the beautiful women she saw in the media - TV, the news, advertisements, etc - had either pale Anglo-Saxon skin or pale-as-you-can-get African American skin; and their hair was not coarse like her's was. I had never noticed this before, until I was watching some TV station that was tailored more towards the African American community. There were different commercials for the same products on that station, that I had never seen on any other station before. I thought this was extremely odd, and wondered, "Why would you do that??"

This story from my friend was echoed through the show "My Strange Addiction," when it featured a young African American girl who had a particularly dark skin tone. Her "strange addiction" was to rub bleach lotion all over her body several times a day, in order to lighten it. She said she felt very ugly because of her natural skin tone. She was 15.

Unfortunately, this kind of idea is not exclusionary to the US. I'd read a BBC article about the outrage in India over a special bleach lotion that was meant to lighten the skin in the nether-regions of women. I read several other articles afterwards that revealed that having darker skin as an Indian woman is looked down on, while having fairer skin is preferred. Bleach lotion is no stranger there. Women have been photoshopped to have lighter skin than they actually do for magazines, and I'm sure that's a practice that happens over here in the US and no one has come out to say anything about it (that I know of). Additionally, a friend of mine spent two years in China, and the paler you were, the better.

I grew up hating how pale I was. I would burn all too-easy, and I felt like a ghost compared to tan friends. I hated my freckles. Just like tan bodies are preferred for white women, I guess lighter versions of dark complexions are perceived as being preferred for black women. I don't understand this, and I think it's outrageous. Why is it that women can't just be who they are, and be seen as intelligent, authentic, beautiful, and loved? Thankfully, I've gotten over my complex of wanting to be tan, and I rather enjoy each and every freckle that is evidence that I really do have melanin in my skin.

I'm sure that if Michele Obama went with her natural hair texture and style, the right-wingers would still not be pleased, and proclaim that she is dirty and go further to say that Obama's administration and presidency is somehow wild and uncontrolled. Because of some crazy logic that ties together the First Lady's appearance with political virility and authenticity of the President.

Now, my hope is that no one who is African American would be offended by my thoughts. If anything I would very much like to be corrected where I need to be; I prefer to know where I am wrong than continue living in some ignorant bubble based on what I've seen/heard through the lives of others. Please contribute your thoughts!

Gift-giving and Church Folks

For the past few months I've been reading a book I acquired a long time ago, The Gift: Creativity and the Artist in the Modern World by Lewis Hyde. It's been a few months because although the book has maintained my interest pretty well, I've only been reading it during my lunch breaks at work; I'm also easily distracted by so many other things, like BBC News and Etsy and trying to find something creative to physically do with my hands.

I picked it up again today, and finished a chapter titled Usury: A History of Gift Exchange, and I remembered that I wanted to write a blog about this chapter once I finished it. So, here goes.

Twenty-Nine, Day 3: There's much to be done!

I just turned 29 on Tuesday, and although I like not making a big deal out of my birthday I'm pretty excited to be that much closer to exiting my 20s. I don't know too many people who feel or have felt the same way. I never quite understood why people nearing 30 years of age seem to have a quiet edge of lament when telling their age, lacing into the conversation about how they are getting old. Although it would seem that women primarily dread this age, I've taken note of several male friends who also seem to dislike the idea that they're approaching or have reached that particular age.

From what I can tell, turning 30 does not magically turn you into a grandma, like Cindarella changing back into a maid at the stroke of midnight. Thankfully.

I generally tend to be reflective about how the previous year of my life went when my birthday comes around; it doesn't help that it falls so shortly after the start of the New Year, too. This year was ... interesting, to say the least. It involved unemployment for both myself and my husband (well he was really technically self-employed for a hot minute), and then regaining employment. Much of this past year swirled around work, so there wasn't a lot of room for anything else. However, God provided better employment than what I was doing previously. Sure, it's boring. Sure, I sit in front of a computer all day. But I try to remind myself that although this isn't exactly what I want to be doing (far from it), it is something God provided to take care of us. I'm glad to be starting another year of life and have a more positive view of the horizon than I did at the beginning of last year.

Even though I posted my bucket list previously, I decided I should probably make an actual post of if, rather than just throw it out there like a wet noodle with no life and no prospect of being exciting. I was uninspired. I'm feeling better about revisiting the list and revamping it. Many things on the original list involve money that I do not have or in the near future anticipate being able to afford. I started this list in February of 2011, so you could say some things have changed since then.

Here's what I've done so far from the list:

1. Have a grown-up bed, and not a loft bed  - Half the battle done, since we don't have a loft bed anymore.

2. Have a consistent exercise/yoga routine - I did yoga consistently for a summer and fall

3. Do a professional photo shoot with hubby.  - All thanks to Katie Harnish! Woo!

4. Find a way to make art and make money in a consistent way - It's through crafting things and selling artwork randomly, but it seems to be working.

5. Cook for others, and with others, more.  - Not consistent, but we did host Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner this year. I look forward to doing that more.

6. Be less cynical.  - I *think* I'm better at this? Life changes have made me more optimistic about the future, however tumultuous it appears to be!

7. Have a mini-garden... or be a part of a co-op. - I didn't have a mini-garden, but the unedible plant in my office seems to be living and doing very well. I'm counting it. This will be moved to another list whenever we happen to gain a house.


Here's what I sort-of did, but could use improvement, so they kind-of count:

1. Visit my brother more. - I realized that this particular task involves a third person beyond myself, whose schedule I have no control over. Tricky.

2. Have a healthier diet / eat less processed foods. - We were kind of doing well with this, before employment got all messed up, and before the holidays. I need to get back on this.

3. VOLUNTEER!!



Here's what I want to accomplish (REVISED) this time next year, 2014, with the rest of my 30 items:

1. Go Camping - I'm looking forward to this because we got a tent for Christmas AND I got a camp stove for my birthday! We need to take a trip to an EMS to get sleeping bags...

2. Get a professional massage - My friends Katy and Erin got me a massage gift certificate for my birthday!!! YAY!

3. Do an MS Walk - This is kind of in the works. There's an MS Walk coming up in Philadelphia in the beginning of May, and I just need to sign up. Sign up, and then walk. And THEN I can cross this off the list.

4. Ride a bike in the city - This seems lame, buuut I'm still terrified to do it, which means I should do it. Again, Katy and Erin may have to come to the rescue to get this done...

5. Go on a legit picnic, basket and all

6. Go on a Philadelphia Tour of some kind, because I've lived here for 6 years and I'd like to learn something about the history of where I live.

7. Go somewhere outside of the US - Canada is looking like the least expensive option. Niagra Falls?? Maybe a pre-emptive 30th birthday adventure... That gives me a whole year to figure it out (especially since I don't have a passport).

8. Now that I'm thinking about it, Get a Passport should be on this list.9. Take a self-defense class
10. Take an art class of some kind - There's an open drawing studio coming up.. hmm...

11. Pursue getting into art shows again - I kind of fell off this boat and into a black hole last year.

12. Make my artspace at home more conducive to art making - I started!! I just need to finish. SOON.

13. Go to a city I have never been to before - This shouldn't be that hard, right? There aren't too many cities that I've been to, so there are all kinds of options.  

14. Participate in an Improve Everywhere event - I don't know, it could be fun. And totally outside of what I would normally be comfortable doing.

15. Participate in the Sketchbook Project 

16. Start making a comic revolving around our cats, Autumn and Tobias - This is replacing the idea I had to start writing a book, because drawing my cats having adventures is more fun, and in theory easier to accomplish.

17. Get back into writing in my prayer journal - I used to do this obsessively when I was in college and shortly after I graduated I stopped. I think this will help me be more thankful and see where God has been working in my life.

18. Participate in a print-exchange again - I so miss printmaking. Ugh.

19. Go fishing - OK, I'm not dead set on going fishing but I'd kind of like to catch a fish. Any time I went as a kid (all of maybe four times), I didn't catch anything. Who can I go fishing with?? An acceptable and unrelated alternative to this one is to Ride A Horse, since it's been a long time.

20. Seriously pursue having kids



BONUS!

One awesome thing that I thought of while writing this list, but decided not to add, was to pet a tiger, or some sort of wildcat. This is a bonus because I realize this is a 1) potentially dangerous activity; 2) probably expensive. I don't know if it's even a possibility unless you have a vault full of money you can dive into like a ballpit.

Soooo okay! Let's do this thing!

Oh yeah, I had a Bucket List..

In light of being 28 years and 359 days old (or, 6 days shy of turning 29), I figured I would revisit my "30 Things to Do Before I turn 30" bucket list. It looks like I have a lot to do within the next year.

    1. Live in a place with free laundry - I don't think we'll be moving any time soon...so not sure how this is going to work out.

2. Have a grown-up bed, and not a loft bed We put the mattress on our old futon frame. Not a "grown-up bed" but not a loft anymore! That's half the battle. I'm counting this.

3. Have an art studio again.

4. Seriously pursue having kids

5. Have a consistent exercise/yoga routine - I did yoga consistently for a summer and fall. Does that count?
6. Take a self-defense class

7. Take an art course in SOMEthing again -- Although I'd be happy to take a class in anything, what I really want to learn is encaustic painting.

8. Be more at peace with myself and have more joy. - This is not a super solid goal, and really I'm not sure it has a place on a list like this since it's really something I should always be striving for throughout life. I'll have to think of something else that can go here...

9. Go somewhere outside of the US (even just Canada or Mexico)

10. Write at least a draft for the book I've been thinking about. - This needs more structure. I may later change it to something else, since I haven't even begun writing anything.

11. Do a professional photo shoot with hubby. Thanks, Katie Harnish!! I'll share your website as soon as it's finished. :)

12. Own a professional digital camera

13. Find a way to make art & make money in a consistent way - Still looking promising. It's through crafting things and selling artwork randomly, but it seems to be working.

14. Take Spanish classes that will actually be useful in the real world

15. Join an art collective with friends

16. Cook for others, and with others, more. Not consistent, but we did host Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner this year. I look forward to doing that more.

17. Volunteer. - I volunteered with an arts-and-crafts afterschool program for a little while, but there are some opportunities on the horizon for this year.

18. Ideally, live in a house instead of an apartment. - See #1.

19. Have a healthier diet / eat less processed foods - I could probably be doing better, still, especially after the holidays. But we were doing pretty well for a while there.
20.  Learn Archery, or at least something like it. I've always been fascinated with bows & arrows, and used to make toy ones out of saplings when I was little. Wouldn't mind fiddling with that again.

21. Ride a bike in the city - no, really.

22. Have better posture or work on my posture.

23. Be less cynical.  - I *think* I'm better at this? Life changes have made me more optimistic about the future, however tumultuous it appears to be!

24. Get a professional massage, or have Scott take a massage class. I'm thinking the former is cheaper. Okay, really, I just want to go get a pro massage.

25. Visit my brother more. - It'd been a while since I saw my brother last, but I realized this is tricky when the other part of this is coordinating with someone who might not get back to you for a month.

26. Go camping again (it's been a long time!) - We got a tent for Christmas! All that much closer to camping!

27. Have a mini-garden... or be a part of a co-op.  Part of this would be to learn HOW to garden. -- I have some herbs growing on the window-sill?? -- The herbs growing on my window-sill died. The cactus that was sunning on the window-sill also died. But I have a spider plant that seems to be doing well there... I can't eat it, but it's something? Is that cheating?

28. Go on a Philadelphia Tour, because I don't know jack about the city I live in.

29. Go on a legit picnic, basket and all.

30. Go to the Empire State Building

    ... Looking at the list again, I think it needs an overhaul. Particularly when it comes to things that involve moving or the like.

Glory of That Night

Thought I'd share a poem I wrote in 2004.
Merry Christmas everyone. :)


Glory of That Night
December 2004

Midnight blue as velvet
punctured true with a million stars
Silver-rimmed moon,
hung by invisible mobile-threads
Darkness draped like fabric
while sheep sleep on the plains
and shepherds stand watch

Child's cry piercing desert night air,
painted miles and miles away
drenched in the color of Holiness
Creation shudders and shifts
to cradle its newborn Creator
This Divinity in humanity-
the eternal Light source
to a fallen world
The canvas known as Today
woven and held fast by this Everlasting,
framed by glory to glory

Darkness draped like fabric
torn and pushed wide
White and yellow spilling,
blue and purple bowing aside
The armada of heaven armed with light
robed in 'Hallelujah's
Voices puncturing midnight with Truth -
O choir, sing and never end!

Warm with the red of human life
soft with the skin of mortals
This Divinity in humanity-
the will of the Father,
a lamb placed in the manger
A lamb placed on the tree
where it was finished
Color us as salt
from a promise drawn long ago
Death held no grip, no hue,
on the eternal Light source
to a fallen world

Midnight blue as velvet
punctured true by a million angels
Silver-rimmed moon,
held by the newborn Son
Darkness sewn shut like fabric,
while sheep scatter in joy
and shepherds quake
As though on wings of etheral eagles
they will fly
and worship.

Twenty

Anyone who knows me, knows that I enjoy the zombie genre. No, I haven't seen the classic zombie movies, but my tastes lean more towards contemporary zombies. I enjoy Shawn of the Dead, 28 Days Later (which is particularly unnerving), and I have been thoroughly enjoying The Walking Dead on AMC.

I've had many hypothetical conversations with my friends and husband about what we would do in the event of a zombie apocalypse. I'm one of those people. No, we're not preparing ourselves for any such thing, but it's fun to have a circling debate about what areas would be the safest, how would you get supplies, what would you use as weapons with the skills that you have, and things like that. On that note, I would never actually want to see a zombie apocalypse or anything of the sort come to fruition. I like zombies the best out of pirates and ninjas -- two other highly violent groups that are romanticized in pop culture -- because they don't actually exist.

What makes the zombie film genre so interesting is that it's not really all about the zombies. It's not about the gore, no matter how much there is or how impressive the effects are, but the bottom storyline is all about human nature. The Walking Dead especially illustrates the dynamics of human nature in the face of dire survival. When the characters are forced to protect their loved ones and make alliances with strangers for the sake of surviving, the line between good and bad, right and wrong, eventually start to get blurred. Mistakes are made. Friends become enemies. The moral world as we know it (at least in Western culture) cracks in very fine, and major, ways. Desperation pushes us beyond logical reasoning. Every action is justified.

In some ways, it's a fitting caricature of a post-9/11 America.

Full of Dirt: Confessions

I've been meaning to get around to making this post since my soul sister and missionary Heather wrote her own list of confessions in July.

The word "confession" is one that, on the surface, might bring a chill up your spine or flashbacks from a Catholic upbringing -- so I hear. I wasn't raised Catholic or really in any church at all, so I don't know. It's also a word that seems to have gotten tossed around in pop culture biographies.

It's a word I've become very familiar with over the past 11 years of being a follower of Jesus. Unlike the beds of suspicion I usually hear the word in (that is, outside of my church community), I have a pretty positive take on Confession. Admitting the truth of an otherwise hidden deed can be freeing. Scritpurally, I'm pretty down with the idea with confessing my hidden deeds (sin or wrestlings) to God. I agree that I should go to my brothers and sisters and confess what I struggle with. James 5:16, "...Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed."

However, despite my cozy attitude toward confession I wrestle with actually doing it. Just like anyone else, I prefer to keep my weaknesses to myself. Likewise, I am not always as transparent; for fear of being judged or harped on or rejected I keep my thoughts to myself. This is not an altogether bad thing, but the motivation behind it isn't so awesome.
So, here are a few confessions:


I am a closet pessimist. I will look for the good in just about anything other than my own circumstances, most of the time. So although I will tell you that things will get better and there is a purpose for whatever it is that's happening, I will tell myself that I am forever stuck.

Every now and then, I'll wonder what life would be like had I not decided to go to college and studied fine arts. Say, if I actually went and did psychology or biology (my 2nd and 3rd choices, had I not made it into the art program). I do this if I'm particularly pessimistic at that moment.

I apparently have a love affair with rules. Or at least, traffic laws, which has become glaringly apparent now that I commute via vehicle to work.

I catch myself being judgemental in my head, and I try to remember to tell myself to knock it off.

I think the meanest thing I've ever said to someone (that was not my brother) was when I was still in elementary school in Texas. There was an African American girl who hurt my feelings and I mocked her for being adopted. I will never forget the pain in her face, and I've avoided being mean to others ever since. I have never told anyone this story.

I like tattoos and piercings. This is nothing new to anyone who knows me. But it gets under my skin (harhar) when other Christians whip out Bible verses they think are about tattoos and piercings today. If it applied the way people think it does, men also ought not cut their hair or trim their beards, and the whole lot of us shouldn't wear cotton/spandex blended clothing.

I love Star Trek. Preferably, The Next Generation and good old Captain Picard, the Borg, and the lovely Q.

I like video games, and I'm actually pretty into RPG's but only RPG video games. No D&D'ing for me.

I'm more insecure than I like to let on.

I used to be ready to be friends with anybody for life. When I hear that an old friend (who I haven't talked to in a long time) is in the area but I don't find out about it until weeks later, it used to hurt as if it were a breach in friendship. It's been hard to accept that the nature of friendships I had in college don't define the nature of those friendships now. I'm better with that, but the flip side is that I'm more guarded in who I establish friendships with.

Similarly, I feel as though I damaged friendships when I was support raising while ministering to college students. The flip side is that I feel I strained relationships when I left ministry, now that I'm not regularly in touch.

I thrive on affirmation, and self-destruct when only negative things are pointed out.

I get crushed when I find out that someone doesn't like me or finds me (or something I do) annoying, and I can't understand why or what I did to be unlikeable.

My wedding date was originally set for August 8, 2008 (save-the-dates and all). Then we changed it to two months earlier, to May 31, 2008. I was oblivious that some people would think that the change was because I was pregnant. I was not. In fact, I was a virgin of any sexual contact until my wedding night. The only thing between the hubs-to-be and I was making out, which lead to heightened temptation to fool around. Which is the real reason we changed the date; we didn't want any pre-marital-ness to happen before we got married. And, Heather wasn't able to make a wedding in all of June and July, and there was no way  I wasn't going to have her there.

I enjoy having figured out sex along with my husband, and I celebrate the glorious ways in which our bodies work together. Mmhmm.

My husband was my first boyfriend. At least by my standards. There was a "boyfriend" in 8th grade, but since it was for a few months and I was 15 years old, I don't count it.

However, that period of time included my first kiss. If that's what you want to call it. He went for tongue. It was terrifying. I don't count it.

In light of that, I have a hard time understanding dating without openly discussing wanting to find out if you want to marry that person, or just dating for dating's sake. This wasn't the reason for staying single throughout high school though of course. I was simultaneously afraid of boys (because "they only want one thing") and I didn't think I was that attractive.

My husband was the first guy to tell me I was beautiful and wanted me to be his girlfriend.

I have never been drunk, or even tipsy. So if you ask me, "You know what it's like when you're drunk and..." I will stare at you blankly because I have no idea what that's like.

I generally do not enjoy the taste of alcohol. The only things I can drink and actually enjoy are Malibu and Coke, Ice Wine, Twisted Apple Smirnoff, and Woodchuck's Hard Cider. Just about everything else causes me to make a face you don't want to see.

I have also never smoked, or done drugs.

Since I've never experienced these things, I sometimes feel inadequate to share Christ with folks who drink frequently, smoke like a factory, and/or have sex before they are married. I think that they think I'm on some otherworldly plane and I can't relate to them, so what could I possibly have to say to them. But I just want to love them and look beyond those things. I am not better than, and have my own issues.

I did not grow up going to church, and wasn't raised Christian.

Up till this election, I have been anti-politics because of the discourse between Republicans and Democrats is grating and hateful. I label myself "Independent. Not Independent as in the Party, but Independent voter. I am not undecided; I refuse to pledge allegience to one side or the other, since I see things I agree with and disagree with on both sides. I learned this year that this makes me a swing voter. I also refuse to choose a side because I don't think God favors one over the other.

I like zombies, but do not ever want them to exist in reality. Ever.

I sometimes laugh or get excited disporportionately more than I should to something mildly funny or mildly exciting. Like ice cream and donuts, and nerdy jokes on Big Bang Theory.

I sometimes go along with something an aquaintance or co-worker has said, even though I don't know what they are talking about. Which usually is not a good move.

I somehow make it a point that every new man that I meet know that I am married by mentioning my husband in conversation. While I generally like to talk about my husband anyway, this is kind-of a subconcious reflex to avoid weird encounters and would-be hit-ons.

I detest country music. But, I have a softspot for some folk music.

I've also grown a thick skin against much of "Christian" genre music. A lot of it seems shallow and lacks depth (creatively, or in content). Sorry.

I hate generalities. Such as, "All Christians are ignorant, and abandon logic," or "Feminists are all pro-choice," or "All gay men are pedophiles."

I do not like it when people make assumptions about me or write me off when I say I'm a Christian -- or when anyone says they're a Christian for that matter, or belonging to a particular group. I would much rather have a conversation with you, so I can get to know you and you can get to know me.

I hate gossip, and "christian" gossip disguised as a prayer request. Ever since I was in High School I've never understood why people talk maliciously about others behind their back or spread rumors.

I hate to admit it, but I am afraid of undomesticated mice and rats. If it's in a cage, I think it's cute. If it's running around my kitchen, I think it's awful.

Although I know that God's grace for me is abundant, and He's shown me his care for us time and again, I struggle with accepting his grace and worry about tomorrow.


I think that's enough of my confessions for now. I feel better. I would feel even better if others would join in the conversation and engage the topic of Confession, especially if it bleeds into non-internet conversation.

Looking for Direction, Inspiration, and Time v.2.0

I realized a full day after my last post that I didn't end up finishing my thoughts. Probably because I was at work, and I just wanted to get my post out there RIGHT AWAY.

Whoops.

In the last post, I mentioned how I was finding some ways to make art and that spiralled into questioning my artistic identity. Well, not questioning exactly, but examining the very different methods of creating that I have. It just proves my theory that if I were ever not able to make something for an extended period of time (like the rest of my life), I just might explode. Because I'm spread out in a few different areas, I tend to question the quality of what I'm making. Then again, this is not entirely new. During college I would work on 7 different projects at once (for my Printmaking courses specifically), because there is something in me that HAS to work on multiple projects at once. Settling down and focusing on one thing art-wise has proven to be a difficulty.

Another thing I'm working on right now is not directly about creating. I'm working on pulling together an exhibition. For the record, I've only ever thought of ideas for shows but I've never tried pulling together a group show before; this is going to be a huge learning curve for me. Recently, the President addressed the issue of human trafficking and what our government will do in response to it domestically. While certainly more can be done, I got very excited that this was being addressed at ALL (but disappointed that practically no news stations picked it up). Last week, PBS aired a two-part documentary called Half the Sky that looked at injustice done against women worldwide, including trafficking. I decided: I need to do something about this in a way that I know how. So I'm in the baby-steps phase of pulling together a show based on addressing human trafficking from an artist's perspective. Thankfully I already have a space; now I'm just confirming with the artists I'm interested in having participate, and we'll see what else needs to be done. This won't be until early 2014, so there is plenty of time to work out the kinks, and I'm glad to be working with people who have done this before! I'll write another blog entry another day about human trafficking.. I don't want to get too off topic here.

The other point I mentioned was about desiring a creative/artistic community or folks who can provide helpful feedback and support for what I'm working on. This has been an on-going issue for a few years, but I'm finally at a point where it just needs to happen. Thankfully, an opportunity has come up where someone with more leadership and people-organizing skills than I do wants to start up an artists' group at our church and I'll be helping. The driving force is to provide community and support to artists of faith, and utilizing our gifts to help those around us (within the church and outside of the church). This could mean a lot of different things, and it's something I'll be aiming to explore. The vision includes discussions, critiques, supporting one another by going to other artists' exhibitions/shows/performances etc, and praying for one another and our city. Since I'm blogging from work (again), not all of my thoughts are concentrated to really explain it right now but it's something I'm really looking forward to.


All in all: some really good things are coming together!

Looking for Direction, Inspiration, and Time

Since my last post about wanting more time to work on art, and wanting more community, some things seem to be getting momentum. Kind of.

First, the art. While I'd rather be painting/drawing/taking over the world, I've been putting my creative energy in creating random designs and illustrations for Threadless.com. If you're not familiar, Threadless.com is a sort of online retailer for clothing (shirts, hoodies) and accessories. Their stuff is pretty hip and there are tons of shirts I would love to own, pretending that I am still a care free 24 year old college minister and not a 28 year old who works in a cubicle and wears business-casual clothing 32 hrs a week (for what it's worth, it pays the bills and for another 8 hours, I can wear jeans on Fridays).

Really, though, my job is a blessing and provided by God at a time where we thought we were going to go homeless.

Anyway.

So Threadless.com regularly runs contests for artists to create designs for shirts, and win money if the shirts get printed. It's a pretty sweet system - if your shirt gets picked. Although none of the designs I've submitted have been picked (that I'm aware of) and have received mediocre scoring, it's been a fun process to get some kind of creative juices flowing. Some samples are below.

  

What's interesting about this process, and wanting to get more involved in my painting/drawing (I took a break while it was blazing hot), is that it really underscores the many different variations of art and styles that I have. I have these, which are more illustrative and graphic in nature (back to the kind of things I used to do all the time in highschool & college). I have other things like this that I classify as Just For Fun - the things I'll sell at a craft show or just do it for kicks. I tried explaining this to a gallery owner who I'm friends with, and in whose gallery I've shown some work in the past, and she just kind of laughed and gave me this look like I was a little off my rocker. I also make costume jewelry as a hobby.

And then I make paintings like these:

 

 This kind of work I consider my "serious" work, which doesn't imply I don't have fun making them (although sometimes that is true when I can't get it right), but this work goes more into having legitimate meaning that I hope the viewer will experience. I want these to be contemplated, thought over, and so on.

What I'm wondering is if this puts me in a sort of dilemma. Not a crisis or anything like that, I'm not freaking out about it, but the question arises as to what I should focus my time on and IF I should be worried about that kind of thing anyway. Any other artists run into this multiple-personality-style disorder in their work?