*ahem*
I wouldn't blame you if, after such a pessimistically geared entry back in November, I may have fallen off the face of the earth. This is not the case, nor did I die and reanimate and become the world's first blogging zombie. I've just been busy (and at times feeling much like a zombie).
Which means, since I am blogging again, you can conclude that I am not busy. In fact, I am unemployed AND my husband is on tour with Calling Out Closer as their road manager until mid-May. Yep. Not busy. As you can imagine, I am bored out of my mind. Looking for jobs online can only last so long during a day before I want to poke my eyes out. The unemployment came about because apparently I am not able to balance 25 different things at once. I like that I can be "a great person" and well liked, but I don't like being told that while I'm losing my job, either... It's a great sentiment, and I still like the people I worked with. However, a little monster seizes that thought and laughs with a pointed finger, "You're a nice person but heck if you can't do anything worthwhile!!"
For the most part, I've been successful in squishing that little monster, but I can't help but think that being a nice person doesn't actually get you anywhere. I could bleed kindness all I want, that's not what gets a person employment. However, I'm just not in the business of being cutthroat and undermining people.
So I'm hoping to find a job that is really more along the lines of what I'm passionate about: helping people and/or art. Finding something like this has proven difficult, since it would seem that I am lacking in experience: I haven't been working since the dawn of creation in a particular field, and I am not throwing hundreds and hundreds of dollars at school loans for a degree in graphic-design/web-construction-guru/AdobeSuite-master-of-the-universe. OK, so that last part was mostly for the arts jobs I've been looking at. But it's true that it's been difficult to find even a well paying entry level job that doesn't expect the newbie to be the master of all things. Craigslist is almost not worth it, since most of those jobs are either part time, just above minimum wage, or both. I am not saying I am above working multiple jobs, but I'm trying to avoid it so that I can keep my sanity. Or else I WILL become that zombie I mentioned earlier.
I've been attempting to stay occupied by working on my art. This is going OK so far but I need to come up with other projects to work on because I can really only progress once a week with the "technique" I use. While oil colors are really awesome for blending colors and having a rich and supple look, they take so long to dry. If you're an experienced oil painter, you will probably be able to tell that I am not trained in oil painting, since I'm pretty certain there are oils or chemicals you can add to the paint to make it dry faster. I just don't know what they are, and would be afraid it will change the look of the paint. If you know otherwise, please inform me. Before I was completely unemployed -- my former employer was very kind and generous to give me two months to look for work -- I did create a website. This was to exhibit samples of my work to potential art employers, but I needed to get one up anyway. You can check it out at yvonnevalenza.prosite.com. The section under "Birds of the Air" is a project I've been meaning to get back to, so I can do that while waiting for paint to dry.
I actually don't see this whole period as necessarily bad, though. I mean, it is kind of lousy to be unemployed when I'm the kind of person that needs to be doing something. I don't relax and chill out easily. I'm attempting to use this time to refocus on God and coming closer to Jesus since I've been kind of at arm's distance for quite some time. What I mean is that at one point in my life I would pray every day, eagerly read Scripture if not every day, at least a few times a week. Not saying I "need" to do these things or else God would be very sore with me; no, God doesn't need us to perform for Him to love us fully. What I am saying is that I need it to get back to a more stable equilibrium. Recently Scott and I went to Atlantic City, and while we were there we visited the Ripley's Believe It or Not! museum since I'd never been to one. At the very end, the main exit is through a dark tunnel with the walls literally spinning with paint enhancing the effect. It creates an optical illusion while you walk through, making your brain think the room is tilting, making your eyes play tricks on you, so your brain makes your body compensate by leaning. To the observer, the person walking through the tunnel ends up slanting and leaning on the railing. Your equilibrium is thrown off, making you disoriented (and in my cause, nauseous) even though you are conscious of it being an optical illusion. If you stare straight ahead to the other side, you can make it through fine, by the way. I did that and Scott made me walk through it twice because he thought I closed my eyes. (I managed to find a YouTube video of the tunnel, here, if you've never been.)
It's kinda like that, minus the nausea. I need to get back to reading Scripture and praying consistently because I've been disoriented while a whirlwind of things happen around me, and when there's a whirlwind of crazy talk in my head (see the previous post regarding the Death Spiral). This has already been helpful, since I am not freaking out about not having a job right now; I'm just really, really bored. I know that I'll get an answer from someone I've sent my resume to, or that something will come through the temp agency. It's a matter of time. I have also been getting some direction lately about ways to use my gifts, but I'm keeping that to myself right now till I get some more clarity.
Still twiddling my thumbs at times and staring at the computer, wasting time on Facebook or stalking my email and staring at my phone, waiting for a call or an email from a potential employer. Or I'll end up pacing the apartment or chasing the cats BUT I'm trying to stay focused and preoccupied! Heck even writing this blog entry just killed an hour and a half. But I think I'll go outside today. I need some sunshine.
