I figured that, since I wrote about my Bucket List of 30 things to do before I turn 31, I may as well write some reflections on turning 30 because Lord knows that hasn't been done before. That and I tend to get all contemplative when my birthday rolls around in part because it also happens to be 8 days into the New Year, when folks are all abuzz about reflections on last year and resolution about the next.
Normally I don't make any big deal about birthdays, at least not my own. Since my birthday is in the winter, it inevitably fell during Winter Break during high school and college when many of my friends weren't even around. I'm also an introvert, so a great birthday party to me looks like hanging around with a handful of friends and watching a movie or playing games. Or going to a museum or similar institution. Case in point: I wanted to go to the Franklin Institute in Philly on my 16th birthday, the Earth and Space Museum in NYC on my 21st birthday, and two years ago I wanted to go to the Baltimore Aquarium. This year I would have liked to break the mold by going to see the theater production of The Lion King in NYC, but those tickets just crazy expensive so I felt all weird about asking for something that didn't have any practical use. Instead I'll be getting something much more insane: a new pair of glasses. I know, I'm totally living on the edge. All you extroverts can't handle this.
Additionally I threw the planning for my birthday into the capable hands of my husband and friends, and told them to make it a surprise. The lesson learned here is that combined with my winter blues, letting my friends decide my 30th birthday fate has led to bouts of subtle anxiety and thinking that nothing will be done to celebrate because my birthday doesn't really matter. This is actually the result of my birthday being during Winter Breaks, and self-inflicted scars from my young teenaged brain thinking most friends didn't come to my birthday invitations because they didn't care. As an adult, I know better, and soon enough my insecurity gets coaxed out of the dark and told to breathe into a paper bag. I'm sure whatever is planned for me will be awesome and fun.
Anyway, this post was supposed to be about turning another year older and not about birthdays past.
I'm about to turn 30. There is no pandemonium, panic, or worlds falling apart. Turning 30 is not this looming cliff I'm about to fall off of from youthful radiance into a pit of old age. Seriously guys, that's just buying into what fashion magazines and cosmetic plastic surgeons exploit: fear of aging. I suppose I've always thrown a proverbial middle finger up at that noise and I don't see it suddenly stopping any time soon, as I have always felt that 30 was decidedly not old and not that big a deal. But when I think about it just a little more, I guess it is a little more than "just another birthday."
The good part is that I'm looking forward to getting out of my 20s because for some reason, that will make me feel more like an adult. You'd think that living apart from my parents after college and getting married at 24 would have set the adult status in stone. It helped, but for some reason, exiting my 20s seems like the real initiation into adulthood. Nope. I don't know why. Perhaps it's that I think that in my 30s, I will finally have figured out what I'm doing with my life or at the very least have a pretty good idea of the direction we should be going. That we won't keep falling off the horse in attempts to get stable (no puns intended there). I know it's not a magic potion to make everything right in the world. I'm pretty sure crazy things happen without irregardless of age, and I probably won't have everything figured out either. Besides, God has certainly provided and carried both my husband and I through the various ups and downs through my 20s. Perhaps a good exercise would be for me to come up with a list of ways that God provided and what I'm grateful for from my 20s. It might offer some great perspective. A list of 30 seems too limiting, but it seems fitting. Who's with me?
If you are 30 and beyond, or not there yet, how do you feel about it? Did you ever feel snubbed as a teenager because your birthday was during a month when most kids are on vacation? (there's gotta be more people out there besides me that felt that way)
