News Article: Kin outraged, distraught over teen's cyber suicide

http://www.news.com.au/technology/story/0,25642,24684860-5014239,00.html

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gtO167ywBhMURgOmp4ScpR7rBdvgD94JV9P80

... there are several other articles about the sad news, if you follow links provided on the websites.


To summarize, a college student in Miami, FL, took it upon himself to overdose on bi-polar drugs over live web-feed on a bodybuilder's website a few days ago. There's no telling how many watched -- the website it was aired on hasn't said the number -- but it's pretty evident from the article that not only people watched, some encouraged and others thought it was fake.

Through my teen years of internet socialization (and probably internet addiction), there were a number of times in which online friends had mentioned that they were thinking of suicide and I would do what I could to talk them through it or out of it. What I don't understand is how so many teens are jaded enough to not take it seriously and regard another person's life as not worth their time -- through webspace or in real life. While there are those who threaten suicide to get the attention they feel so deprived of, I don't believe it is worth the risk to think they're faking it. Even if an individually is just looking for attention, there is still the issue that that person does not already feel loved enough that they don't have to look for attention. What else is going on psychologically and emotionally? Don't we all want to feel and know the comfort of being loved? Don't we all act out -- in large or very small, internal and external ways -- when we do NOT feel loved?

The message that comes across when we write it off as just an act is, "I do not care about you. Your life is worthless to me."

A college student, probably a freshman or maybe sophomore, killed himself "publicly" and people watched. Granted I think that if he took a gun to his head like the fellow in another Florida location, someone may have acted sooner. Really though, why would that change anything - as if gun suicide is more serious than pill suicide?

Or for those who thought he was joking and it was done to get some laughs... Why would anyone joke about overdosing on a pill?

Why is death funny?

Also, I wanted to highlight a quote from the Associated Press article:

Montana Miller, an assistant professor of popular culture at Bowling Green State University in Ohio, said Biggs' very public suicide was not shocking, given the way teenagers chronicle every facet of their lives on sites like Facebook and MySpace.

"If it's not recorded or documented then it doesn't even seem worthwhile," she said. "For today's generation it might seem, "What's the point of doing it if everyone isn't going to see it?"

Ms. Miller brings out a good point that teenagers publicize every facet of their lives via the internet. Having more or less one of those teenagers, only using the 'archaic' LiveJournal, I totally relate to her statement. But I'd like to push it further than simply saying that if something isn't documented it doesn't matter. There is a ring of truth in that... I'd dare say that every detail is given also because it creates this sense of intimacy with other people. Especially with journaling and blogging. "This is my journal, and you are reading it. This is the kind of stuff I share with my friends... sometimes my closest friends. Because you know this about me, you must be one of my friends and care deeply about me. If I know you in real life and you read this, then I don't have to talk about it with you because you know it already." At the very least this is how I reflect on my journaling habits during my teen years. I would write about guys I liked, thoughts on sexuality, thoughts on religion (why I hated it and later on my process of becoming Christian) when I felt very sad or hurt or pissed off, and so on. In many ways my teen angst is spelled out loud and clear for the world to see for however long LiveJournal exists. These are the kinds of things that used to be recorded in private journals that any teenager back in the hayday would be agast if anyone actually read it.

But I didn't actually know most of the people who would read that journal. I never met them face to face, although few I did talk with on the phone and others I wanted to actually meet. But it created a world of comfort and secruity for me, that there were people knew me and understood me. Some of them I believe did care for me but it created a sense of longing that would likely never be fulfilled -- which easily lead to hours upon hours of late night online sessions, and becoming angry/depressed when the internet was taken away (in place of getting grounded as a penalty).

Not that the internet is bad or having friends who live in Indonesia or Australia, or just on the other side of the U.S., is bad. That isn't what I'm getting at and to think so is to seriously miss the point. The point is that it calls to question our own securities, I think... and calls out that we are afraid to know people and look them in the face, knowing they know us too. Why can't we just talk to the person next to us, get together with the friend who -- if you're in college -- lives right down the hall?

Why are we so afraid of what we crave the most?

I think it's worth discussing, that's for sure.

In the meantime...

I'm starting to put art-books on my wish-list and getting that fire in my gut for making art.

Especially after finding (thanks Barbara!) this little jewel of a blog:
http://mariehelenesirois.blogspot.com/

All of my little artsy cells want to devour all the recent and past posts up. Drool juxtaposed with jealous admiration. Yum.

We all want something beautiful..

That song by the Counting Crows, Mr. Jones, has a lyric that goes "We all want something beautiful / I wish I was beautiful..." Ever since I heard that song for the first time, I've carried that line with me. In its simplicity, it's a line that I find profoundly true of me and I would think it'd be true of most people. We want something beautiful, we want to be beautiful. I know I want to keep focused on the things that are beautiful, as in the good and true and lovely.

What's with all the drama in my blog, then? Doom and gloom and tough roads ahead... For someone who is supposed to appreciate beauty I probably sound like a brooding miss who is trying to figure out up from down. To some degree, that's true... encountering sin in all it's ugliness has knocked me to the ground. Not only has the rebellion in a friend's life been a painful experience, it's also brought out something unexpected: I've been challanged in my own faith quite a bit and I've had old wounds opened that I never fully dealt with, acting like it didn't bother me over the years. But these things are good despite how painful it is and will be until it's resolved. I won't wax on about specifics because it hasn't been dealt with yet -- I'm not ready for that kind of public exposure until God repairs some deep seated brokenness in my life. I will say, however, that I'm broken and the whole process has been a humbling revelation that I don't have it all together as much as I'd like to believe. It's pretty easy to put on a tough exterior, to a certain point... these recent events that have been bothering me finally broke the surface.

Thankfully, I have a supportive husband who I can collapse into... and a community that is loving too. I think without these people the road to healing would probably be all the more difficult. The road ahead is going to get bumpy and I'm nervous, but as another band I favor would say, "there is beauty in the breakdown." I want the beauty found in major healing and forgiveness and freedom.

What's the beauty you want to see in your life?


"the pain it won't even cross my mind.
there is wonder in everything.
the rope gets loose, and the chains unbind.
and i can do anything." - Mae

(man, three song references in one post?! I'm usually not this referential...)

Surely We Can Change

And the problem is this
We were bought with a kiss
But the cheek still turned
Even when it wasn’t hit

And I don’t know
What to do with a love like that
And I don’t know
How to be a love like that

When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do

Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something

And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love who came
To repair everything

Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Oh surely we can change
Something

Oh, the world’s about to change
The whole world’s about to change

-- David Crowder

Breathe... 1, 2, 3. The road towards healing is about to get very bumpy. It's like that horrible hesitation feeling you get when you're about to jump from a very high place, except combine that with being punched in the stomach first.

History in the making

Here it is, November 5th (V for Vendetta, anyone?), 2008. Last night history was made as it was revealed that Barak Obama has been elected to be the next president -- our first black president. Someone I know made a point in saying that Obama, because of his interracial parents, represents American better than any other president has before in the sense of America being such a mixing pot of peoples.

While I didn't vote for Obama because there are policies he holds that I disagree with, I am not particularly bummed either. What is exciting about this is that I'm living in the middle of a history-making-moment; although some of those policies he has I think will make history in a more negative way than a positive way. Time can only tell what will happen, some good and some bad as it is with all presidents. My prayer for the new president, though, is that God will protect him. As much as I don't want to admit it, there is a great danger for Obama in this position -- a lot of racism still runs deep in pocket-areas of America and threats have already been made. It's sad and I think if anything were to happen, it would literally tear the country apart. But if all goes well, maybe some healing on both sides can be encouraged. His speech last night was particularly good but he better stick to his word in wanting to work together and listen to those who disagree with him.

On the flip side of things, though, if McCain became president history still would have been made with Palin as the first woman VP. While Palin pisses off a lot of women in America, a big reason I would be concerned is mainly her lack of experience: I don't think she would have been ready if McCain had died (because let's face it, the man is old).

Obama is all about change and change will come. It will take time, just as he said. Some of that change I like, a lot of it I'm not so sure about, some I don't like. I will say that this election has made me more interested in following what's going on in Washington more than anything else so this will probably help me keep an eye out when things go bogus and when they go well.

(one thing I do wish people would stop doing is giving Obama a messianic label)
(what was up with Michelle Obama's dress last night?)
(also, watching CNN and I'm fascinated by their giant touch screen tech... and what was that whole hologram thing about?)

Vent

Here are some things I've been experiencing as of late, along with tidbits here and there. The upside is that it's put a lot of fuel for some art. Hopefully I can get into the studio and pour out all these thoughts in drawings...

grief, sadness, anger and guilt
the joy of redemption, mercy, grace

"We all want something beautiful."

"How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know him who said, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," and again, "The Lord will judge his people."

"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."

"Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything."

"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."

"Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?"

The downside is that I'm still wrestling, and trying to figure out how to be happy for someone else's happiness, when their happiness means spitting in the face of the One they used to live for.

"Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Nebuchadnezzar brought to being less than human by his pride, Daniel 4:28 to the end.

"...how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing!"

"Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."

"But even such nearly instantaneous events are not as instantaneous as they seem. The are like earthquakes, which seem to happen suddenly, without warning. But we know that earthquakes are only the climatic events of process that has taken years, sometimes decades, centuries or millennia, of accumulated stresses deep under the earth."

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast."

"Cause everything inside me looks like everything I hate; You are the hope I have for change; You are the only chance I'll take."

There is much to say, much to vent, much to pour out with tears and frustration. But I fear those words will hurt you.

Sigh.

God give me the grace to handle the things I don't understand.